


The Facebook Failures

by semicirrcular



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatting & Messaging, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, It’s another chat fic, M/M, Multi, Slow burn romances, Swearing, Texting, They’re idiots, at least half of them, chaotic energy RADIATES from this entire thing, everyone will show up at least once, half of these relationships are rarepairs and i love it, its an advanced chat fic, just facebook style, not that much angst but it’ll be there, or at least an attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 17,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23991145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/semicirrcular/pseuds/semicirrcular
Summary: Terushima Yuuji25 minutes agoCan someone come bail me out of jail? I was arrested for being too hot :(56 Likes 17 Comments 20 SharesOr:Everyone has Facebook and college classes—two very bad combinations.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Daishou Suguru/Yamaka Mika, Ennoshita Chikara/Futakuchi Kenji, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hanamaki Takahiro/Iwaizumi Hajime, Hanamaki Takahiro/Iwaizumi Hajime/Matsukawa Issei, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Iwaizumi Hajime/Matsukawa Issei, Kageyama Tobio/Miya Atsumu, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Sawamura Daichi/Terushima Yuuji, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 407
Kudos: 946





	1. Community Welcome

**Author's Note:**

> Russian Translation [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/9550730) by Yoagari!

**Takeda Ittetsu**  
_3 hours ago_

It’s the first day of the school year! After quitting my job as a high school teacher, I have decided to move up in the world and become a college professor for creative writing, specifically poetry! I will miss my old job, but I can’t wait to start this new one! I’ll update all of you as I go through my day today!

**_47 Likes 7 Comments 10 Shares_ **

> **Takeda Ittetsu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> I have just arrived on campus! Wow, the school building is huge, and so many students! My excitement is suffocating!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Takeda Ittetsu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> I almost got lost but I finally found my classroom! Time to wait for the students!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Takeda Ittetsu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> So many unfamiliar faces! And some familiar? I think some students I taught before are in this class! I’ll check back with you guys after the lecture, but wish me luck!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Takeda Ittetsu**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> What an amazing first lecture! And I was right, several of my old students were in my class today! It was so nice to see them again! What a small world.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Takeda Ittetsu**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Another successful lecture! Aside from the random stranger who walked in and flashed the entire class, we did great! Though I must say, he did remind me of someone I had seen once! But he must’ve just been a look-a-like, as the boy I know would never do that.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Takeda Ittetsu**  
>  _30 minutes ago_
> 
> Haha, he’s back! Someone should call security. But really, he looks a lot like a player I saw during my volleyball managing years! What was his name? Teru? Terushu? Terushima? Ah, right! Yes, he looks exactly like that player from Johzenji! A little too much....
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Takeda Ittetsu**  
>  _29 minutes ago_
> 
> Oh my god
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

* * *

**Bokuto Koutarou**  
_1 hour ago_

I can’t find my classes!!! Can someone help me???? Im scared

[Photo: _A blurry shot of a schedule and building in the background_ ]

**_34 Likes 10 Comments 14 Shares_ **

> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _50 minutes ago_
> 
> Bro, you’re not even on the right campus
> 
> **_30 Likes_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _49 minutes ago_
> 
> OH SHIT 
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _47 minutes ago_
> 
> This is your third year of college, how the hell did you mess this up
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _47 minutes ago_
> 
> Tsukki!! What are you, my professors?? Stop asking me hard questions!!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _46 minutes ago_
> 
> Yeah, Tsukki! Don’t ask such hard questions smh, who do you think he is, Einsteen?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _45 minutes ago_
> 
> Who the hell is that
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _44 minutes ago_
> 
> Don’t tell me you don’t know who Einsteen is?? Wow tsukki, who would’ve thought you would make it into college. Tsk tsk, just about anyone can get into college nowadays, cant they Bo?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _43 minutes ago_
> 
> Tsk tsk, u got that right kuroenrjsbtisnfjs
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _43 minutes ago_
> 
> Who?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _42 minutes ago_
> 
> I want to fucking die
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

* * *

**Sawamura Daichi**  
_40 minutes ago_

Why did I just see Bokuto’s van plow through the football field?

**_50 Likes 4 Comments 15 Shares_ **

* * *

**Terushima Yuuji**  
_25 minutes ago_

Can someone come bail me out of jail? I was arrested for being too hot :(

**_56 Likes 17 Comments 20 Shares_ **

> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _24 minutes ago_
> 
> I’m on my way!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _23 minutes ago_
> 
> Can someone come bail me out
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _21 minutes ago_
> 
> HE’S REALLY IN JAIL WHAT THE FUCK
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Misaki Hana**  
>  _19 minutes ago_
> 
> You know what, I’m not gonna even ask. Just tell me what kind of jail are you both in to be on your phones right now?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _19 minutes ago_
> 
> College jail
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Misaki Hana**  
>  _18 minutes ago_
> 
> I have never wanted to hurt you more than I do right now.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bobata Kazuma**  
>  _18 minutes ago_
> 
> bro aren’t u in jail cause u kept flashing that one professor’s class?? LMAO
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Misaki Hana**  
>  _17 minutes ago_
> 
> WHAT
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sawamura Daichi**  
>  _16 minutes ago_
> 
> WHY DID YOU FLASH THEM WHY WOULD U DO THAT
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _15 minutes ago_
> 
> I wanted u to see my wee-wee but u werent there :(
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _15 minutes ago_
> 
> WTF HE JUST BLOCKED ME
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bobata Kazuma**  
>  _14 minutes ago_
> 
> LMFAOOOOOOO
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Misaki Hana**  
>  _14 minutes ago_
> 
> I’m going to commit murder
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _13 minutes ago_
> 
> Serves u right ya pervert
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _12 minutes ago_
> 
> SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK YOU’RE IN HERE BC YOU ALSO TRIED TO FLASH THE SECURITY GUARD
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Moniwa Kaname**  
>  _12 minutes ago_
> 
> YOU DID WHAT?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _11 minutes ago_
> 
> FUCK
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

* * *

**Ushijima Wakatoshi**  
_50 minutes ago_

What wonderful weather we are having today. Perfect for the plants. I am beginning my third year of college today.

**_50 Likes 17 Comments 12 Shares_ **

> **Ushijima Wakatoshi**  
>  _49 minutes ago_
> 
> The campus has a very nice garden in the back. I will be visiting it before I attend my classes today.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Ushijima Wakatoshi**  
>  _46 minutes ago_
> 
> Such beautiful flowers, I wonder who is the person who tends to them.
> 
> [Photo: _A shot of various colored flower beds. Ushijima is posed in the corner, a serious expression on his face as he stares at the camera above him. In the background, a blurred figure is running full-speed towards him._ ]
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tendou Satori**  
>  _45 minutes ago_
> 
> Uh, Wakatoshi-kun???? There’s someone running full-speed towards you with murder in their eyes????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tendou Satori**  
>  _43 minutes ago_
> 
> WAKATOSHI-KUN?????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Matsukawa Issei**  
>  _40 minutes ago_
> 
> Oh my fuckin god…
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hanamaki Takahiro**  
>  _40 minutes ago_
> 
> ...he fuckin dead
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Ushijima Wakatoshi**  
>  _38 minutes ago_
> 
> DAMN RIGHT
> 
> [Photo: _Oikawa is posing with a rose between his teeth, his hair ruffled wildly and dirt is smeared over his face. In the background, Ushijima lays face-down in a flower bed._ ]
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tendou Satori**  
>  _37 minutes ago_
> 
> WAKATOSHI-KUUUNNNNNN
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hanamaki Takahiro**  
>  _37 minutes ago_
> 
> HOLY SHIT HE’S ACTUALLY DEAD
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Iwaizumi Hajime**  
>  _36 minutes ago_
> 
> THERE YOU ARE YA FUCKIN RASCAL
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Matsukawa Issei**  
>  _35 minutes ago_
> 
> Why does he always talk like an old man when he’s mad?? I am bamboozled!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hanamaki Takahiro**  
>  _34 minutes ago_
> 
> What a pretzel-bender! Ha Ha Ha Ha!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Matsukawa Issei**  
>  _33 minutes ago_
> 
> Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Ushijima Wakatoshi**  
>  _33 minutes ago_
> 
> Right??? Hahaha!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Ushijima Wakatoshi**  
>  _32 minutes ago_
> 
> On another note, what is this strange, murderous aura I am suddenly getting?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Ushijima Wakatoshi**  
>  _31 minutes ago_
> 
> OHSHITNBFSJSKFBSJWJFJNDNZNASJNF
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hanamaki Takahiro**  
>  _31 minutes ago_
> 
> GOT EM’
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

* * *

**Daishou Suguru**  
_29 minutes ago_

I just saw a double murder in the gardens lmaooo I love college

**_45 Likes 7 Comments 14 Shares_ **

* * *

**Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
_3 minutes ago_

Im bouta go set off some fireworks in the main building as a prank!!! Who the hell wanna join????

**_37 Likes 6 Comments 20 Shares_ **

> **Nishinoya Yuu**  
>  _2 minutes ago_
> 
> Hell yeah!!! Count me in!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yamamoto Taketora**  
>  _2 minutes ago_
> 
> Me too bros!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Narita Kazuhito**  
>  _1 minute ago_
> 
> 01001001 00100000 01110100 01101111 01101111 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110000 01100001 01110010 01110100 01101001 01100011 01101001 01110000 01100001 01110100 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01110010 01100001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110011 01100101 01110100 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01100110 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100101 01111000 01110000 01101100 01101111 01110011 01101001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110000 01111001 01110010 01101111 01110100 01100101 01100011 01101000 01101110 01101001 01100011 00100000 01100100 01100101 01110110 01101001 01100011 01100101 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101000 01110101 01101101 01100001 01101110 01110011 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100110 01101001 01110010 01100101 01110111 01101111 01110010 01101011 01110011 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110011 01110100 01110010 01110101 01100011 01110100 01110101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101100 01100001 01101110 01100100
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yamamoto Taketora**  
>  _Just now_
> 
> What the actual Fuck
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
>  _Just now_
> 
> he said yes.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha I’m not funny
> 
> anyways, this is something I may or may not drop depending on the feedback, but I’ll post a couple of chapters before I decide! don’t be afraid to give feedback, i need it for my decision making so comment away lol 
> 
> ill post every sunday (or try to) but otherwise, my hand is cramping


	2. Community Welcome (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Yamaguchi Tadashi**   
>  _3 hours ago_
>> 
>> Am I dreaming? What is happening right now?
>> 
>> **_Like • Reply_ **

**Lev Haiba**  
_6 hours ago_

Hey, has anyone seen Dog roaming around campus? I woke up only to find him gone :(

**_41 Likes 14 Comments 20 Shares_ **

> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> You have a dog? When did this happen?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Lev Haiba**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> I adopted him last week! A friend of a friend of a friend of a friend directed me towards this guy who was giving away free pets in a dark alleyway in a sketchy neighborhood! Yaku-san, I’m telling you, I felt my heart flutter when I saw him in that cage! He was the cutest thing I had ever seen! His paws and mouth were red for some reason but the guy reassured me that it would come out with a little soap. Gosh, just remembering how I had to hose him down because I couldn’t fit him through the door is bringing back memories…..I miss him already :(
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> There is something very wrong with this entire paragraph but I just can’t seem to put my finger on it. hmmmmmmmmm
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kai Nobuyuki**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> ********
> 
> Lev, can we see a photo of your pet?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Lev Haiba**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> Of course you can!!! He is a natural when it comes to pictures, just look at him!
> 
> [Photo: _A lion is lounging on a bed, staring directly into the camera_ ]
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> Ahhhh, that explains it.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> WHAT
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> THAT IS—
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> YOU—
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> Give him a sec,
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> THAT IS AN ENTIRE FUCKING LION ON YOUR BED. YOU ADOPTED AN ENTIRE FUCKING LION AND CALLED IT YOUR DOG. YOU LET AN ENTIRE FUCKING LION ESCAPE AND WANDER THE CAMPUS WITHOUT ALERTING THE AUTHORITIES. OOOHHHHHH MY FUCKIGNSNDBSOMSNFAISNFBWBEKSNDJSWN
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> there it is lmao
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kozume Kenma**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> I am going to kill you in real life Lev.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Lev Haiba**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> I never said he was a dog!? His name is Dog, didn’t you read my post Yaku-san?? And anyways, I technically alerted you all, so there’s no need to go to the authorities.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Lev Haiba**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> Also, I’ll just find him before anyone sees him, so there’s no need to worry!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hinata Shouyou**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> YOU HAVE A LION AS A PET??? THATS SO COOL!! I wanna help let me help find him!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Lev Haiba**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> Hell yeah chibi! Let’s go find Dog!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hinata Shouyou**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> YEAH!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> I’m calling the police.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

**  
******  


********

* * *

**[Direct Message → Hinata Shouyou]**

_6:44 am_

**Kozume Kenma**

be careful

**Hinata Shouyou**

of course!!

* * *

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
_3 hours ago_

********

Are those….fireworks??? Being set off in the building????? What am I hearing right now???????

**_48 Likes 13 Comments 11 Shares_ **

> **Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> ITS FIREWORKS BABEY
> 
> **_44 Likes_ **
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Wha.. Why??
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Nishinoya Yuu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> CAUSE FIREWORKS BABEY
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> But that makes no sense??? You’re gonna get in so much trouble because of this, Tanaka-san and Nishinoya-san!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yamamoto Taketora**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> WORTH IT CAUSE FIREWORKS BABEY
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> YAMAMOTO-SAN???
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Narita Kazuhito**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> 01000011 01100001 01110101 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110100 01110011 00100000 01100110 01101001 01110010 01100101 01110111 01101111 01110010 01101011 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100010 01100101 01111001
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Am I dreaming? What is happening right now?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Nishinoya Yuu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> FIRE
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> What? Don’t you mean fireworks?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Nishinoya Yuu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> NOPE, ITS JUST FIRE NOW
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> WHAT
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

* * *

**Ennoshita Chikara**  
_3 hours ago_

**@Tanaka Ryuunosuke, @Nishinoya Yuu, @Narita Kazuhito, @Yamamoto Taketora,** Get ready to die for making me evacuate my 9am lecture

**_45 Likes 7 Comments 20 Shares_ **

* * *

**Bokuto Koutarou**  
_2 hours ago_

MY LICENSE!!!!!!

**_53 Likes 27 Comments 20 Shares_ **

> **Sawamura Daichi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> I really don’t know what you were expecting Bokuto, I mean, you drove through the entire football field without stopping. You made it to the end, only to start doing donuts. I have never questioned what was going through someone’s head until I watched you do that.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> THERE WAS A SQUIRREL ON THE ROAD AND I DIDNT WANT TO HIT IT SO I TURNED AND I DIDNT KNOW THE FOOTBALL FIELD WAS THERE AND I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO DOUGHNUTS ON IT BUT AKAASSHI TOLD ME NOT TO BUT I FINALLY HAD THE CHANCE SO I DID IT SO STOP YELLING AT ME PLEASE
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Do you ever look at a post and just know that the person was typing it through their tears? ‘Cause that’s what I’m getting from this.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> OH MY GOD YOU’RE RIGHT
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> SHUT UP!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Akaashi Keiji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Bokuto-san.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> .................yes?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Akaashi Keiji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Stop crying and take your punishment, you deserve it.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> YOU’RE SO MEAN I HATE YOU I DONT DESERVE TO HAVE MY LICENSE SUSPENDED AND THEN GO TO JAIL
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Akaashi Keiji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> I don’t care, go to jail.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> AKAAAAASHHHHIIIII
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> I love this.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> wait wait wait, Bo you’re going to jail???
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> YEAH, AND I HAVE TO PAY $5000 FOR TEARING UP THE DIRT
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Man, you’re screwed huh?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> TSUKKI!!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sawamura Daichi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Aren’t you just going to be held in the security guard’s holding cell for a couple of hours?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> THATS BASICALLY JAIL
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> It really isn’t but okay.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> It’s not that bad Bokuto-san! Me and Futakuchi made a game where we wait and see who will lose their mind first in this quiet, quiet cell. Whoever wins gets to keep their sanity! Futakuchi is currently banging his head against a wall, so I‘m definitely winning.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Are you or are you not trying to strip right now?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> I am not.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> LIAR
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> SEE??
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Akaashi Keiji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> You did this to yourself, now live with the consequences.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> AKASHHHIIIIII
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> I love this so much.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

* * *

**Yaku Morisuke**  
_1 hour ago_

**@Lev Haiba, @Hinata Shouyou** Did you guys find him yet?

**_35 Likes 4 Comments 7 Shares_ **

> **Lev Haiba**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> What? I’m in class right now Yaku-san.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hinata Shouyou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> What he said!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> I—
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> I hope to fucking god Dog eats you both and then me.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

* * *

**Azumane Asahi**  
_5 minutes ago_

Aw, I think there’s a stray cat behind my dorm building. It's making an awful lot of noise, I should go check if it's okay.

**_27 Likes 2 Comments 8 Shares_ **

> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _Just now_
> 
> THAT IS NOT A CAT I WAS HORRIBLY MISTAKEN I REPEAT THAT IS NOT A CAT IMEBDKWJDJJSNFFNA
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Lev Haiba**  
>  _Just now_
> 
> Oh look, I found him!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he’s okay, i think.
> 
> I thought the last chapter ended a bit short, no? so, i extended it to this chaos!
> 
> for clarification if anyone was wondering the timeline for this, basically:
> 
> 6 am: Takeda first posts, Lev loses Dog 
> 
> 7am: Takeda updates facebook on his lectures.
> 
> 8am: Takeda realizing the flasher was Terushima, and basically everything else in chapter one (a lot of the events were happening simultaneously, like Bokuto getting lost and then plowing through a football field while Ushijima and Oikawa are killed in a garden. Then, it goes to Terushima and Futakuchi getting arrested which is followed by Tanaka planning to use the fireworks) 
> 
> Time moves forward a couple of hours (exactly 4—which is why lev’s post is 6 hours ago and hinata and kenma’s convo was at 6 in the morning) in chapter 2, so:
> 
> 9am: Yamaguchi hears the fireworks and Ennoshita sends public death threats
> 
> 10am: Bokuto has a mental breakdown and goes to jail 
> 
> 11am: Yaku gets news
> 
> 12am: Asahi finds a cat 
> 
> crazy, right? totally unrealistic, right?? Good. 
> 
> stay safe and see u next sunday (or maybe sooner!) :)


	3. RIP Asahi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Sawamura Daichi**   
>  _3 hours ago_
>> 
>> RIP Asahi
>> 
>> **_91 Likes 85 Comments 60 Shares_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Todai is a nickname for the University of Tokyo

**Lion Appears in Tokyo!**

_**By: Fukunaga Shouhei** _

_April 2, 2020_

_Yesterday evening, a lion by the name of ‘Dog’ terrorized Todai university students as it stalked around campus and threatened all those it encountered._

_According to the Tokyo Police Department, the lion had escaped its enclosure and had been wandering through campus grounds for most of the day._

_Several student eye-witness accounts of the animal were reported to the department almost hourly, however, police were still unable to track down its location._

_"It just kept disappearing, almost out of thin air!" An officer had exclaimed at the animal's disappearing act._

_The owner, a university student named Lev Haiba, had met with the police about the lion along with another student, Hinata Shouyou. He claimed that 'Dog' wasn't dangerous, and in fact, was a 'wannabe lion who acted tough when he wasn't', with which his friend agreed. He claimed they shouldn't worry too much, before saying they had class and ending the conversation by promptly disappearing. Officers were baffled._

_It wasn't until later that evening that officials were able to track down the animal—particularly, an ear-piercing scream led them to an alleyway, where they found the animal and an unconscious student._

_"We had first thought that it was attacking him, and we immediately got our tranquilizer gun. However, upon closer inspection, we came to realize—it was pissing on him." An animal control officer commented, having been shocked yet disgusted at the scene._

_Lions, like many other species, mark their territory by pissing. Officers used this chance to quickly neutralize the animal and send the unconscious university student to the hospital._

_The lion is said to be relocated to Tokyo's zoo._

  


* * *

  


**Sawamura Daichi**  
_3 hours ago_

RIP Asahi

**_91 Likes 85 Comments 60 Shares_ **

> **Sugawara Koushi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> RIP Asahi
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Shimizu Kiyoko**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> RIP Azumane
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Guys, for the love of god, please stop this. I don’t want to be reminded of what happened so just please stop. I’m literally begging you. You guys have been doing this for weeks, please just let me live. Let me live for once.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> RIP Asahi
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Ennoshita Chikara**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> RIP Asahi
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Nishinoya Yuu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> **@Lev Haiba** DIE
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Narita Kazuhito**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> 01010010 01001001 01010000 00100000 01000001 01110011 01100001 01101000 01101001
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kinoshita Hisashi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> RIP Asahi
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yachi Hitoka**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> RIP Azumane-san!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> RIP
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> RIP Asahi
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hinata Shouyou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> RIP ASAHI!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kageyama Tobio**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> The hell? He died again?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hinata Shouyou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> No, you idiot!!! Don’t you remember what happened with Dog?? We’re purposely forcing him to remember because it was so embarrassing!!! You’re so stupid sometimes, Bakageyama.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kageyama Tobio**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> YOU’RE THE DUMBASS
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hinata Shouyou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> I DIDNT SAY DUMBASS, DUMBASS
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kageyama Tobio**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> FUCK YOU
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> guys PLEASE
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Takeda Ittetsu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> RIP Asahi
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> SENSEI???
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Ukai Keishin**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> RIP Azumane
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> COACH?????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Oikawa Tooru**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Rip to the piss boy!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hanamaki Takahiro**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> No, no, no, you silly little man! It’s RIP to the lion piss boy.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Matsukawa Issei**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> No, no, no, you sillier little man! It’s RIP to the unconscious, pissed on by a lion boy
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Iwaizumi Hajime**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> All three of you are idiots, it’s RIP to Karasuno’s #4
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Oikawa Tooru**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> FIRST OF ALL, YOU ARENT EVEN ON THE SAME PAGE WITH US, AND SECONDLY, THAT ISNT EVEN RIGHT
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Iwaizumi Hajime**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> SHUT THE FUCK UP
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> IM ABOUT TO CRY????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Watari Shinji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> RIP!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kindaichi Yuutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Umm, RIP?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kindaichi Yuutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> **@Kunimi Akira** You say it too
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kindaichi Yuutarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> .........Kunimi?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yahaba Shigeru**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> RIP #3
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yahaba Shigeru**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> **@Kyoutani Kentarou** You say it too asshole
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kyoutani Kentarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> no, fuck you
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yahaba Shigeru**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> YOU WANNA GO?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kyoutani Kentarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> ILL FUCKING KILL YOU
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hanamaki Takahiro**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> You guys are gonna go fuck huh?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Matsukawa Issei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> LMFAOOOO
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> what is happening right now???
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Hey **@Sawamura Daichi** can u unblock me
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sawamura Daichi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> No.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> okay
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> WAIT A MINUTE
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> OH thank god this isnt about me anymore
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Oh yeah dude I read the article, and can I just ask, when the lion was pissing on you, was it warm? Cause I heard from someone that lion piss isnt and i just want confirmation
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> nvm I am full on sobbing now
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Lev Haiba**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> SAME HERE BUDDY
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Lev istfg shut the fuck up
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Shibayama Yuuki**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Ummm why did Lev just burst into tears right next to me???
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Lev Haiba**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> I DONT DESERVE THIS TREATMENT,,, MY PRECIOUS DOG WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME!!!! HE WAS ALL I HAD!!!! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP!!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> YOUR “DOG” IS AT THE ZOO, WHICH YOU CAN VISIT AT ANYTIME, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MOURN THE GUY THAT GOT PISSED ON BY YOUR FUCKING LION
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> RIP ASAHI
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Lev Haiba**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> .................................rip
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Shibayama Yuuki**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> RIP Azumane!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Bruh RIP for real
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Nobuyuki Kai**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> RIP Asahi
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kozume Kenma**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> rip
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> I GIVE UP
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> RIP to that hunk of a guy
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Wow, I didn’t know you were into necrophilia!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> FUCK OFF TOESUCKER
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> IT WAS ONE FUCKING TIME
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> ONE FUCKING TIME TOO MANY
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Moniwa Kaname**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> RIP Asahi!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sasaya Takehito**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> RIP Azumane
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Daishou Suguru**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Ayyyee I’m the 69th comment
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> DAMNIT
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kamasaki Yasushi**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> RIP ASAHI
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Aone Takanobu**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> :(
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Koganegawa Kanji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> RIP Asahi!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Ushijima Wakatoshi**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Rest in eternal peace, Azumane Asahi. You were a wonderful man and a wonderful player.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tendou Satori**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Uh, Wakatoshi-kun? You do know he isn’t actually dead, right?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Ushijima Wakatoshi**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Then why is everyone mourning for the man?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tendou Satori**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> It’s to make fun of the goatee guy for fainting from seeing that one boy’s dog and then getting pissed on by it~
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Ushijima Wakatoshi**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> I see. Azumane Asahi, when you do pass on and become one with the earth as every other living being on the planet one day will, I promise to attend your funeral and pay my respects to your grave.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tendou Satori**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> A little threatening but you got it!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> RIP ASAAAAHI
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Akaashi Keiji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> How do you always get these names wrong
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Hm? It looks pretty right to me
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Akaashi Keiji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> It’s not.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Akaashi Keiji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> RIP Azumane
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> I’m blocking all of you
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof this is kinda bad lmao 
> 
> but over 100+ kudos???? i did not expect ppl to like it this much since my humor is absolutely chaotic, but im so glad you guys do!!! seeing how much love im getting for this fic honestly makes my day so tysm everyone
> 
> If anyone is wondering, i will be continuing this ;) so get ready for a ride im not even sure how to operate, cause you’re getting more of these fools!!
> 
> see ya next sunday ✌️


	4. Sakusa Falls Down the Stairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Hinata Shouyou**   
>  _5 hours ago_
>> 
>> OH MY GOD ME AND KAGEYAMA JUST KILLED FOUR PEOPLE
>> 
>> **_74 Likes 17 Comments 31 Shares_ **

**Komori Motoya**   
_5 hours ago_

Some girl just coughed as she walked past us and Sakusa literally fainted LMAOOO can someone come help me get him to the nurse’s office we’re on the first floor

**_51 Likes 4 Comments 13 Shares_ **

> **Komori Motoya**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> No one? Legit? Fine, guess I’ll do it by myself, like the good friend that I am
> 
> **_46 Likes_ **
> 
> **Hoshiumi Kourai**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> The nurse’s office is on the second floor you’re def gonna drop him
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Komori Motoya**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> I will NOT
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Hoshiumi Kourai]**

__

_1:17 pm_

**Komori Motoya**

FISKDJROEKNROSEBF I FCUKIGN DROPPED HSIM

**Hoshiumi Kourai**

WHAT DID I SAY

**Komori Motoya**

HSHSHUT UP AND COME HEELP ME

**Komori Motoya**

oh my god he’s gonna kill me when he wakes up

**Hoshiumi Kourai**

that is, IF he remembers

**Hoshiumi Kourai**

but dont do anything without me, i wanna be the next one to drop him

**Komori Motoya**

what??? Why would I drop him again???

**Hoshiumi Kourai**

to make sure that shitty bastard REALLY doesn’t remember

**Komori Motoya**

u have a point….

**Komori Motoya**

wAIT NO

**Hoshiumi Kourai**

fuck u im still gonna do it

**Komori Motoya**

I DONT WANT YOUR HELP IF YOURE JUST GONNA MAKE IT WORSE

**Hoshiumi Kourai**

too late im here

**Komori Motoya**

DAMNIT

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Miya Atsumu]**

_1:26 pm_

**Komori Motoya**

HELP ME

**Miya Atsumu**

did u actually drop him LMAO

**Komori Motoya**

SHFBDI SHUT UP AND JUST COME HELP ME

**Miya Atsumu**

if u ask nicely i will~

**Komori Motoya**

ILL THROTTLE YOU

**Miya Atsumu**

that’s not asking nicely~

**Komori Motoya**

ILL GET SAKUSA TO DO IT

**Miya Atsumu**

HE CAN TRY

**Miya Atsumu**

but no, im not doing it now

**Komori Motoya**

if you dont come help me ill expose you to kageyama

**Miya Atsumu**

u got nothin

**Komori Motoya**

oh, dont you remember that hot, hot summer of 2013?

**Miya Atsumu**

ill be there in 5

  


* * *

  
**Hirugami Sachirou**   
_5 hours ago_

**@Hoshiumi Kourai, @Komori Motoya, @Miya Atsumu** why does it look like I just walked in on a murder scene??

**_34 Likes 4 Comments 9 Shares_ **

> **Hoshiumi Kourai**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> that’s cause it is
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Miya Atsumu**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> Komori killed Sakusa, it’s a tragedy
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Komori Motoya**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> I DIDNT KILL HIM HE IS CLEARLY STILL BREATHING
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Miya Atsumu**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> but for how much longer?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Komori Motoya**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> i shouldve never asked for your help what was i THINKING i shouldve just asked for kageyama’s instead
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Komori Motoya**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> u know what ill do that now **@Kageyama Tobio** COME HELP ME PLEASE
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kageyama Tobio**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> I would if I wasn’t already doing something important
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Miya Atsumu**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> What are you doing?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Miya Osamu**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> oh look at that, perfect grammar when he talks
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Miya Atsumu**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> shUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kageyama Tobio**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> ...its smthn important
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Miya Atsumu**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> But what is, Kageyama-kun?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kageyama Tobio**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> ............................its smthn important
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Miya Atsumu**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> ??????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Miya Osamu**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> clearly its smthn important so stop bothering him smh u clingy bitch
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Miya Atsumu**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> I SHOULDVE ABSORBED U IN THE WOMB
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Chigaya Eikichi**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> **@Komori Motoya** Hey, I can still help if you really need it!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Chigaya Eikichi**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> Hello???
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Chigaya Eikichi**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> Man, you guys always do this to me
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Hinata Shouyou]**

_1:38 pm_

**Kageyama Tobio**

this better work dumbass

**Hinata Shouyou**

oh it will dont u worry, have i ever been wrong before???

**Kageyama Tobio**

u have, SEVERAL times

**Hinata Shouyou**

SHUT UP

**Kageyama Tobio**

NO U

**Hinata Shouyou**

UGHHHHHH JUST TRUST ME THIS WILL BE THE BEST WAY TO GET ALL THESE BOXES DOWN THE STAIRS

**Kageyama Tobio**

istg if u mess this up im gonna kill u

**Hinata Shouyou**

SAYS THE ONE WHO ALWAYS MESSES THINGS UP

**Kageyama Tobio**

SHUT UP

**Hinata Shouyou**

NO U

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Hoshiumi Kourai]**

_1:42 pm_

**Komori Motoya**

Be MORE CAREFUL

**Hoshiumi Kourai**

wHy are u txting me nd not helping

**Komori Motoya**

why are you responding instead of focusing on carrying him??? THATS SAKUSA’S LIFE IN YOUR HANDS

**Hoshiumi Kourai**

istg

**Komori Motoya**

Hey, uh, what’s that coming down the stairs?

**Komori Motoya**

HEY???

**Komori Motoya**

oh wait i should probably shoutjens isksnfjksfbjfeisjhwisndnxfji

  


* * *

  
**Hirugami Sachirou**   
_5 hours ago_

**@Hoshiumi Kourai, @Komori Motoya, @Miya Atsumu, @Sakusa Kiyoomi** APPARENTLY ALL OF YOU JUST CAME TUMBLING DOWN THE STAIRS ALONG WITH SOME BOXES???

**_58 Likes 10 Comments 22 Shares_ **   


* * *

  
**Hinata Shouyou**   
_5 hours ago_

OH MY GOD ME AND KAGEYAMA JUST KILLED FOUR PEOPLE

**_74 Likes 17 Comments 31 Shares_ **

> **Kageyama Tobio**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> IM GONNA KILL YOU NEXT
> 
> **_50 Likes_ **
> 
> **Sawamura Daichi**   
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> All of you are going to die when Sakusa wakes up
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**Sakusa Kiyoomi**   
_10 minutes ago_

**@Komori Motoya, @Miya Atsumu, @Hoshiumi Kourai, @Kageyama Tobio, @Hinata Shouyou** I’m awake, fuckers.

**_96 Likes 31 Comments 50 Shares_ **

> **Komori Motoya**   
>  _9 minutes ago_
> 
> SHIT
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyeee its the all-japan squad!!! 
> 
> hopefully their characterization is good enough for now, cause even tho we did barely get to see much of them in this season, i hopefully at least nailed atsumu (cause boy did i read tons of kage/atsumu fics without even knowing atsumu existed in the first place—which basically means i spoiled myself on half of what happened in the manga so i should already be comfortable with his character, but if not, uh, oops?) 
> 
> but on another note, has anyone watched mo dao zu shi?? (if u havent I highly suggest u do) cause can i just say, for some reason i got real wei wuxian vibes when i was writing Komori and i dont know why but im pretty sure it has smthn to do with the little shit energy i made him radiate in this chapter..idk man but i was pleasantly surprised at the discovery 
> 
> anyways, hope u enjoyed this chapter and see u guys next sunday!
> 
> *EDITED THIS CHAPTER CAUSE SWEET HOME ALABAMA GODDAMNIT


	5. Pool Party!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Terushima Yuuji**   
>  _1 hour ago_
>> 
>> Okay so was anyone going to tell me Todai had a pool or was i just supposed to find that out myself?
>> 
>> **_47 Likes 28 Comments 31 Shares_ **

**[Direct Message → Goshiki Tsutomu]**

_11:05 am_

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

Why does it smell like piss?

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

why…..would I know?

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

wait a minute, why does it feel like you’re blaming me for it smelling like piss??

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

That’s because I am.

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

bUT I DIDNT DO ANYTHING?????

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

Hm.

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

WHY DONT YOU BELIEVE ME???

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

Because as your roommate, I have, unfortunately, learned about some of your habits.

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

Like the fact that you don’t always flush the toilet after you use it.

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

OWNDISNFIS I FORGET SOMETIMES

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

I don’t care. It’s disgusting. Get some help.

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

Particularly, mental, physical, and spiritual help.

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

I—

**Goshiki Tsutomu ******

********

********

are you insulting me?

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

Yes.

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

shouldve known

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

You should’ve. Anyways, fix it.

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

Or else.

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

fix what? the smell?

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

Shirabu-san u know i cant do that right??

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

RIGHT????

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

SHIRABU-SAN?????

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

oh my god im going to die

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Shirabu Kenjirou]**

_11:16 am_

**Semi Eita**

What the hell did you do to Goshiki

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

I showed him the consequences of not being hygienic.

**Semi Eita**

He looks like he’s going to die

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

Exactly.

**Semi Eita**

What the fuck?

  


* * *

  
**[Daishou Suguru → University of Tokyo Pool Staff** _chat_ **]**

_11:30 am_

**Daishou Suguru**

hahaha hey guys!

**Akama Sou**

haha hey!

**Daishou Suguru**

I have a question for u all!

**Akama Sou**

hahaha what is it??

**Daishou Suguru**

hahaha its just

**Daishou Suguru**

why the FUCK does the pool SMELL like FUCKING PISS?

**Akama Sou**

.

**Kuguri Naoyasu**

.

**Hiroo Kouji**

.

**Takachiho Yoshiya**

.

**Sakishima Isumi**

.

**Seguro Akihiko**

.

**Numai Kazuma**

.

**Daishou Suguru**

listen here you little shits

**Numai Kazuma**

IM THE SAME AGE AS YOU

**Daishou Suguru**

LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHITS

**Daishou Suguru**

I JOINED THIS STAFF TO IMPRESS GIRLS AND MAKE MY EX JEALOUS

**Hiroo Kouji**

man how many problems do u have with ur girlfriend u guys were literally together yesterday

**Daishou Suguru**

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUT UUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPP

**Hiroo Kouji**

aight

**Daishou Suguru**

LISTEN

**Daishou Suguru**

I DIDNT COME HERE TO SMELL A PISS-FILLED POOL ALRIGHT???? I CAME HERE FOR BETTER REASONS AND NOT THIS

**Daishou Suguru**

SO ONE OF YALL BETTER COME HERE AND DRAIN THIS POOL

**Sakishima Isumi**

why dont u just do it

**Daishou Suguru**

.

**Daishou Suguru**

What did you just say?

**Sakishima Isumi**

y’know what nvm i take it back what the fuck why do i feel so threatened

**Seguro Akihiko**

sometimes i think this is a gang

**Akama Sou**

i mean… i can do it, but itll have to be in an hour bc i have a lecture right now…

**Daishou Suguru**

AN HOUR??? ARE YOU FUCKING BATSHIT CRAZY???

**Akama Sou**

IM SORRY PLS DONT YELL AT ME

**Hiroo Kouji**

can’t believe one day of no sex made u like this

**Daishou Suguru**

.

**Hiroo Kouji**

.

**Daishou Suguru**

.

**Hiroo Kouji**

.

**Daishou Suguru**

.

**Sakishima Isumi**

what the fuck the fuck

**Kuguri Naoyasu**

get em’

**Seguro Akihiko**

this is definitely a gang

**Daishou Suguru**

Watch your back, Hiroo

**Hiroo Kouji**

aight

**Seguro Akihiko**

omfg

**Daishou Suguru**

Now

**Daishou Suguru**

I’m going to go put up the closed sign, and whatever u fuckers do, DO NOT LET ANYONE KNOW PPL TOOK A PISS IN OUR POOL, GOT IT?

  


* * *

  
**Terushima Yuuji**  
_1 hour ago_

Okay so was anyone going to tell me Todai had a pool or was i just supposed to find that out myself?

**_47 Likes 28 Comments 31 Shares_ **

> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> THEY HAVE A POOL????
> 
> **_38 Likes_ **
> 
> **Kuguri Naoyasu**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Oh no
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Akama Sou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Oh no
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hiroo Kouji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Oh no
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Seguro Akihiko**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Oh no
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Numai Kazuma**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Oh no
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Takachiho Yoshiya**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Oh no
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sakishima Isumi**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Oh no
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> why the fuck did the entire nohebi team just respond
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> **@Bokuto Koutarou** HELL YEAH THEY HAVE A POOL!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> so we’re just gonna ignore them? sounds good to me
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> I CANT BELIEVE IT!!! WHY DIDNT THEY SAY ANYTHING????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> communism, probably
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sawamura Daichi**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> wh—
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sawamura Daichi**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> it isn’t our pool??? of course we wouldnt know????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> smh communism
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sawamura Daichi**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> NO?????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> shhhhh, dont u worry sweetheart, i will defend u from that drastic communism, and then, u can reward me by letting me have a piece of those hot cheeks ;)
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> WTF HE BLOCKED ME AGAIN
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> LMFAOOO
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> STFU
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> No
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> UGH
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> EVERYONE IS INVITED TO MY POOL PARTY AT TODAI IN THE NEXT HOUR EXCEPT FOR FUTAFUCKU
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> FUCK YOU TOO
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> YEAHHHHHHHH!!!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> HELL YEAH
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Seguro Akihiko**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> OH NO
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**[Seguro Akihiko → kill daishou suguru 2020** _chat_ **]**

_11:48 am_

**Seguro Akihiko**

WE SHOULD TELL THEM ABT THE POOL BC I DONT WANNA GET SHOT BY THE BOSS

**Sakishima Isumi**

wtf this isnt a gang stop

**Akama Sou**

we can’t!!! daishou-san told us not to!!

**Akama Sou**

and anyway, the closed sign is there and its not like they’re gonna actually come over and break in or anything!!!

**Hiroo Kouji**

isnt one of them that guy who flashed that teacher’s class twice

**Takachiho Yoshiya**

and the other one did donuts in a football field

**Kuguri Naoyasu**

Kuroo

**Akama Sou**

oh my god they’re gonna break in

  


* * *

  
**Terushima Yuuji**  
_9 minutes ago_

WE AT THE POOL BITCHES!!!!

[Photo: _Terushima is posing with a peace sign, the camera high above him to capture everyone else. In the background, several others are already in the pool, including: Bokuto and Kuroo (who seem to be attempting to drown one another), Hanamaki, Matsukawa and Iwaizumi (Oikawa in a headlock between them), and Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Yamamoto being caught mid-air. Hinata and Kageyama seem to be fighting to get into the pool first, and Kenma is on the side lines with Akaashi, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, and Asahi—whose expressions all range from fear to indifference, no inbetween_.]

**_67 Likes 21 Comments 30 Shares_ **

> **Akama Sou**  
>  _8 minutes ago_
> 
> oh god oh god oh god oh god oH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**University of Tokyo**  
_5 minutes ago_

Students, it has been brought to our attention by our pool staff volunteers that there has been an incident with the pool; particularly, it has been contaminated with large amounts of urine.

We request that everyone stays clear of the pool until our staff are able to drain it.

Thank you.

**Kurokawa Hiroki**

_President_

**_89 Likes 20 Comments 56 Shares_ **  


* * *

  
**Terushima Yuuji**  
_2 minutes ago_

WE AREEE NOT AT RHE POOL BTICHES

[Photo: _A blurry shot of several people running. Terushima has tears running down his face, a crazed look in his eyes, and everyone else seems to be screaming, mouths wide and eyes even wider. The only in-focus part of the picture is Hinata, throwing up in the background._ ]

**_100 Likes 40 Comments 87 Shares_ **

> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _2 minutes ago_
> 
> IFNM FUCKCING CRYINGN LMFAOOOOO KARMA’S A BITCH
> 
> **_75 Likes_ **

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Shirabu Kenjirou]**

_12:30 am_

**Goshiki Tsutomu**

I KNEW IT WASNT ME!!! IN UR FACE!!!!

  


* * *

  
**[Daishou Suguru → University of Tokyo Pool Staff** _chat_ **]**

_12:32 am_

**Daishou Suguru**

I am going to kill you all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pool area: closed
> 
> terushima & literally everyone else: that sign cant stop me because i cant read! 
> 
> oof this was a long chapter to write, tho i think rip asahi was longer
> 
> but one day ill get u guys a list of who’s in what college but uh, not now, still figuring it out lmao
> 
> moving on tho! if, anyone has, uh, noticed, the komori/sakusa tag is gone,, and are wondering,, uh, where it went,, uhhhhhhh
> 
> it went to hell and thATS ALL ILL SAY
> 
> (but if anyone wants to know and doesnt mind being spoiled—even tho its not rlly a spoiler just info bein revealed, but u cant say i didnt warn u—go look at komori’s character page on the fandom wiki and his background info, and just know i wanted to die too when i saw it after posting chap 4) 
> 
> (also tysm classiccatra69 for tellin me before i could do anything WORSE) 
> 
> an y w a y, uhh i hope u guys laughed and dont be afraid to comment or give kudos!! i honest to god screeched when this fic reached 200+ kudos and ur comments always make my day so :) have fun wit it!! 
> 
> see ya next sunday!!!


	6. Love Is In the Air (and so are the birds)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Hanamaki Takahiro**
>> 
>> ( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)

**[Direct Message → Yaku Morisuke]**

_12:10 pm_

**Sugawara Koushi**

are you SEEING THIS RIGHT NOW????

**Yaku Morisuke**

Oh, Lev eating that sandwich with a bunch of birds menacingly circling around him? Yeah, I do.

**Yaku Morisuke**

God I hope they attack him

**Sugawara Koushi**

What no??

**Sugawara Koushi**

This is MUCH MORE important than lev getting attacked by a bunch of birds

**Yaku Morisuke ******

********

I beg to differ

**Sugawara Koushi**

THEN BEG

**Sugawara Koushi**

oh but also look to your left

**Yaku Morisuke**

?

**Yaku Morisuke**

oh

**Yaku Morisuke**

OH

**Sugawara Koushi**

YEAH

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Kageyama Tobio]**

_12:11 pm_

**Sugawara Koushi**

KAGE WINK AT ATSUMU YOUR SENPAI SAID SO

**Kageyama Tobio**

okay

**Sugawara Koushi**

wait no not like that

**Sugawara Koushi**

kageyama you’re just blinking

**Sugawara Koushi**

its one eye, blink one eye

**Sugawara Koushi**

you just blinked again

**Sugawara Koushi**

ONE EYE, KAGEYAMA, ONE EYE

**Sugawara Koushi**

YOU DID IT!!! IM SO PROUDwaitwaitwait

**Sugawara Koushi**

I KNEW IT

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Miya Atsumu]**

_12:13 pm_

**Miya Osamu**

my sibling-is-in-pain senses r tingling

**Miya Osamu**

who’s that lucky son of a bitch

**Miya Atsumu**

FFUFUCK OFFOFFFFFFF

**Miya Osamu**

ooo they got a good hit in ur nose is bleeding

**Miya Atsumu**

HHOWTH CNAN YSOU SE E mE

**Miya Osamu**

behind u

**Miya Atsumu**

WH—

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Yaku Morisuke]**

_12:16 pm_

**Sugawara Koushi**

DID U SEE THAT???

**Sugawara Koushi**

IM A GODDAMN GENIUS HOLY

**Yaku Morisuke**

I DID

**Yaku Morisuke**

but i can also see oikawa staring right at u

**Yaku Morisuke**

wow did your neck just fucking SNAP? BECAUSE IT SURE LOOKED LIKE IT DID WITH HOW FAST YOU WHIPPED AROUND

**Sugawara Koushi**

.

**Sugawara Koushi**

lets not talk abt this ever again

**Yaku Morisuke**

mhm

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Oikawa Tooru]**

_12:18 pm_

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)

**Oikawa Tooru**

??

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)

**Oikawa Tooru**

?????

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)

**Oikawa Tooru**

Makki wtf???

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)

**Oikawa Tooru**

I DONT UNDERSTAND

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)

**Oikawa Tooru**

STOP

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Oikawa Tooru]**

_12:20 pm_

**Matsukawa Issei**

(͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

**Oikawa Tooru**

NO

**Matsukawa Issei**

(͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

**Oikawa Tooru**

STOP THIS IS JUST WITH A DIFFERENT FACE

**Matsukawa Issei**

(͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

**Oikawa Tooru**

FUCKING STOP

**Matsukawa Issei**

(͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

**Oikawa Tooru**

OH MY GOD

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Oikawa Tooru]**

_12:23 pm_

**Iwaizumi Hajime**

( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )

**Oikawa Tooru**

IWA CHAN NO

**Oikawa Tooru**

IS THIS BECAUSE I FORGOT TO REPLACE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH AFTER USING IT TO CLEAN THE TOILET????

**Oikawa Tooru**

WELL IM SORRY BUT I DONT THINK IT MATTERS ANYMORE CONSIDERING WHAT WE SWAM IN LAST WEEK SO GET OVER IT

**Iwaizumi Hajime**

YOU DID WHAT

**Oikawa Tooru**

.

**Oikawa Tooru**

oh look that at that!!! that kid is finally abt to get attacked by those birds!!!

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Lev Haiba]**

_12:24 pm_

**Shibayama Yuuki**

LEV!!! WATCH OUT!!!!! THE BIRDS!!!!!!!!

**Lev Haiba**

KENDKENROEIDFUENDISWJHEFI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *inhales* loOK At aLl tHoSe cHicKeNs
> 
> .
> 
> im sorry abt this short chapter and if it sounds rushed!!! bc let me tell you, i wrote this last minute bc this week I couldn’t even find enough motivation to write this 😔 im sorry y’all and I promise the next chapter will be longer 😤
> 
> but otherwise I hope you enjoyed this short chapter!! im abt to reach 300 kudos and honestly iM blESSED by you guys ily all so much and thank you!!!


	7. Iceberg Lettuce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Tsukishima Kei**   
>  _3 hours ago_
>> 
>> Someone come get me out of here for the love of god
>> 
>> **_69 Likes 16 Comments 31 Shares_ **   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER UPDATE CAUSE I LOVE AND APPRECIATE EVERYONE!!!

**Tanaka Ryuunosuke** _went live!_

_The picture was shaky, as if the person was fumbling to upright it, when suddenly, Tanaka’s face loomed into view, uncomfortably close._

_”Hey everyone, it’s your boy, Tanaka here!” Tanaka practically shouted at his phone, holding it out in front of him and giving a perfect view of the miffed bystanders walking past._

_”Today I am at the supermarket with my once volleyball teammate, my kouhai, Tsukishima Kei!” Tanaka shouted the statement like an MMA announcer, the camera fumbling again as he turned it to face Tsukishima, who was already glaring daggers at him_

_”Tsukishima, smile,” Tanaka hissed from behind, and Tsukishima gave him the middle finger instead._

_Tanaka turned the camera back to face him, awkwardly laughing and glaring back at the other as he did. There was silence as the two seemed to be trying to communicate with expressions alone, and Tanaka’s awkward expression began to morph into a murderous one. His eyes darted down to the camera, and the expression was quickly wiped off as if he was just realizing he was still live._

_”Haha! Tsukishima’s really funny, isn’t he? But moving on! My viewers, you must be wondering why I went live—“_

_”You do know that is facebook live, right? Not youtube?” Tsukishima’s cut him off bluntly, and Tanaka looked up at him again, eyes flashing._

_They stared at each other for an uncomfortably long time before Tanaka turned back to the camera, his smile strained._

_”You must be wondering why I am at the supermarket, with Tsukishima of all people. Well, my viewers, we are currently grocery shopping, because we are, unfortunately, roommates.” Tanaka spat out, his breathing labored as if he was trying to calm himself down before he strangled the other. Behind the camera, Tsukishima tsked._

_”I don’t like you that much either.” He muttered, and Tanaka’s eyes widened._

_”Oh that’s it, you son of a—“ Tanaka’s voice was abruptly cut off as the live ended._

  


* * *

  
**Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
_3 hours ago_

_[View: Live]_

**_58 Likes 10 Comments 27 Shares_ **

> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> oh my god I can’t believe Tsukki’s dead
> 
> **_50 Likes_ **
> 
> **Yachi Hitoka**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> is he gonna be okay???? are they actually mad at each other???
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> nah they’re fine,, they’re both provokies so this is normal
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yachi Hitoka**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> is..provokies even a word????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> it is now
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> but ill give u an example just to show u that u dont need to worry your pretty little head ;)
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> **@Daishou Suguru** bitch
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Daishou Suguru**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> FUCK YOU TOO
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> See?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yachi Hitoka**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Ahhhh I see!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Kuroo Tetsurou]**

_3:04 pm_

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

.

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

oh, hey yamaguchi-kun!

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing? What do you think you’re doing?

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

UHM

  


* * *

  
**Kuroo Tetsurou**  
_3 hours ago_

i a,,m sh;ak ing..,,,,

**_67 Likes 23 Comments 28 Shares_ **

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Kuroo Tetsurou]**

_3:09 pm_

**Bokuto Koutarou**

BRO WHATS WRONG!!!!

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

BRO IDK,,,, IDK WHAT I DID WORNG BEUT THIS KID IS THREA TING ME

**Bokuto Koutarou**

IM GONNA GO PUNCH THAT KID IN THE FACE

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

.

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

you’re gonna go punch a kid in the face?

**Bokuto Koutarou**

.

**Bokuto Koutarou**

if its 4 u….OF COURSE

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

BRO

**Bokuto Koutarou**

BRO

  


* * *

  
**Tsukishima Kei**  
_3 hours ago_

Someone come get me out of here for the love of god

**_69 Likes 16 Comments 31 Shares_ **

> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> haha 69
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> ILL SAVE U!!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> bro aren’t u supposed to be punching a kid in the face for me????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> oh wait YEAH
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> why did I even ask
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Tsukishima Kei]**

_3:16 pm_

**Akaashi Keiji**

Do you want me to go save you?

**Tsukishima Kei**

Yes Please

**Akaashi Keiji**

Alright, Life supermarket right?

**Tsukishima Kei**

yeah

_3:22 pm_

**Akaashi Keiji**

I am so sorry but Kuroo and Bokuto broke into my car.

**Tsukishima Kei**

FUCK

  


* * *

  
**Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
_3 hours ago_

OH? We’re multiplying??? **@Nishinoya Yuu, @Yamamoto Taketora** GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE!!!

**71 Likes 19 Comments 38 Shares**

> **Narita Kazuhito**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> 01001101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 01101111 00101110 00100000 01001111 01110010 00100000 01100101 01101100 01110011 01100101 00101110
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> I’m allowing you to come not because I am scared, but because I am a good friend.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Kuroo Tetsurou]**

__

_3:29 pm_

**Akaashi Keiji**

Why is Bokuto glaring at every kid we walk past, you fucking pain in the ass

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

ayyee that rhymed!

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

and I can be a pain in YOUR ass ;)

**Akaashi Keiji**

Answer the question.

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

okay okay

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

I may or may not have been very vague in saying which kid scared me

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

_[Screenshot]_

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

I didn’t wanna worry tsukki :(

**Akaashi Keiji**

You should be more worried about Yamaguchi’s mental health if anything

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

Nah he’s done this to me tons of times

**Akaashi Keiji**

???

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

gtg Bokuto found his victim

  


* * *

  
**Yamamoto Taketora**  
_3 hours ago_

********

HOW THE FUCK IS NARITA SPEAKING IN BINARY OUT LOUD

**_77 Likes 31 Comments 40 Shares_ **

> **Yamamoto Taketora**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> ALSO, WHY DID BOKUTO-SAN ALMOST SQUARE UP TO A BABY???
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Tsukishima Kei]**

_3:37 pm_

**Yachi Hitoka**

Are you having fun?

**Tsukishima Kei**

no, I’m more stressed than I was before

**Yachi Hitoka**

But it’s better, right?? Now that they’re there???

**Tsukishima Kei**

.

**Tsukishima Kei**

I guess

**Yachi Hitoka**

:)!!!!

_3:53 pm_

**Tsukishima Kei**

Never fucking mind, we just got kicked out because all of these fucking idiots decided it would be a good idea to use iceberg lettuce as a fucking volleyball and Bokuto spiked it into the manager’s face

**Yachi Hitoka**

Oh my god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know WHAT the fuck possessed me but something sure fucking did bc i wrote this all TODAY and honestly holy shit,, if it sounds rushed blame the thing that possessed me
> 
> also Yamaguchi’s “what do you think you’re doing?” was completely inspired by Gintama Yamazaki’s “anpan” bc holy fucking shit do they remind me of each other and yamaguchi has canonically gotten possessed by whatever the fuck possessed yamazaki when it comes to anpan,, tho for yamaguchi its with serving
> 
> but uh yep!!! double update!!! bc of this i will prob not update this sunday but if i do then wow give me a pat on the back cause ill be just as surprised as u will be
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed and i love u all!!!!


	8. HOT BABES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Hanamaki Takahiro**   
>  _1 hour ago_
>> 
>> Man, Shiratorizawa’s old captain is rlly just out here living his best life rn aint he
>> 
>> **_Like • Reply_ **

**Washijou Tanji**  
_1 hour ago_

How does this thing Work?

**_21 Likes 7 Comments 4 Shares_ **

> **Goshiki Tsutomu**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Welcome to Facebook, Coach! This is a platform where you can say anything on your mind, chat with friends, and even record videos! I hope you enjoy your time on here and I can’t wait to talk to you again!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Washijou Tanji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Shut Up I’ll do what I want
> 
> **_18 Likes_ **

  


* * *

  
**Ushijima Wakatoshi**  
_1 hour ago_

[Photo: _Ushijima, Semi, Tendou, and Shirabu are playing a 2v2 game of Volleyball._ ]

**_51 Likes 13 Comments 24 Shares_ **

> **Washijou Tanji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Amazing. This is Why you were my Star players, Ushijima, Semi, and Shirabu.
> 
> **_36 Likes_ **
> 
> **Tendou Satori**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Hey, Coach!!! I’m there too!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tendou Satori**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> .....Coach?????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**Anabara Takaaki**  
_1 hour ago_

Oyster Soup has been added to the menu at Anataka’s Seafood Palace! Come visit and enjoy!

**_75 Likes 41 Comments 47 Shares_ **

> **Washijou Tanji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Terrible Service, wouldn’t Recommend even if There was a Gun to my Head
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Anabara Takaaki**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Washijou-san PLEASE, you were scaring the customers with your drunken darts and you even hit someone, YOU HAD TO GO
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Washijou Tanji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Fuck you I’ll do It Again
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**__**

**_Washijou Tanji joined the public group chat: JOHZENJI BITCHES_ **

_10:20 pm_

**Terushima Yuuji**

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAG

**Bobata Kazuma**

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

**Futamuta Takeharu**

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHGAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHABAHABHAHAHAHAHHAHAHABABBAHABABABABHAHABAHABAHAHHAHAHAH

**Tsuchiyu Arata**

help me

**Higashiyama Katsumichi**

AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHGAHGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHDKDKWNAJAHAHHAHAGAGAGAGGAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAGHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAGAGHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAGHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHBAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHABHAHAHAHAHHAHAHABAHAH

**Numajiri Rintarou**

HAHAHAHSHSHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHGAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAGAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHBAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHBAHAHAHAHBAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHABBAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHABHAHAHAHAHAHABHAHAHAHAHABA

**Izaka Nobuyoshi**

AHAHAHAHHAHAGAGAGAGGAGAHAGAGGAGAHAHAHAHHSKDIEJWBAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHGAJAHAHAHJAHAGAHAHSHAHSHSHGAHGAHAHGAHAHAHAHGAHAHAGGAHAGAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHGAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHABABAHAHABABHAHABAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAYHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHSHSJSHSHSHSHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHSHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA

**Washijou Tanji**

No

**__** __

_**Washijou Tanji left the public group chat: JOHZENJI BITCHES** _

  


* * *

  
**__** __

_**Washijou Tanji joined the public group chat: Relationship Therapy** _

_10:27 pm_

**Daishou Suguru**

And y’know what? The reason why I push her away is because as a child, I grew up bottling my feelings because I had no one to rely on. No one to help me work through them. It’s why I can’t help but think sometimes that I’m incapable of love.

**Azumane Asahi**

You aren’t incapable of love, Daishou! If it’s anything from the way you talk about her, I’d say you love her a lot! I mean, I’m only here to complain about Noya’s habit of almost getting arrested because he keeps doing crazy stuff, so I can’t say much, but. I’d say it’s because you love her that you should learn to open up more, and allow yourself to be vulnerable, because you and I both know she is just worried about you.

**Washijou Tanji**

or stop Being a Pussy

**Daishou Suguru**

.

**Azumane Asahi**

.

**__** __

_**Washijou Tanji was kicked from the public group chat: Relationship Therapy** _

  


* * *

  
**Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
_1 hour ago_

I’m about to go set off more fireworks but this time it’s on my balcony!!! WHO THE HELL WANTS TO JOIN!!!

**_58 Likes 10 Comments 17 Shares_ **

> **Washijou Tanji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> what An Idiot
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> who even ARE YOU
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**Hinata Shouyou**  
_1 hour ago_

**@Kozume Kenma** I can’t wait to go to the aquarium today with you!! I’ve been looking forward to this trip all week!!

**_43 Likes 12 Comments 10 Shares_ **

> **Kozume Kenma**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> me too
> 
> **_32 Likes_ **
> 
> **Washijou Tanji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> You’re a Loser
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hinata Shouyou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> ???????? WHAT THE HELL???????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hanamaki Takahiro**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Man, Shiratorizawa’s old captain is rlly just out here living his best life rn aint he
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**BABY GIRL CHARLOTTE**  
_1 hour ago_

GREAT NEWS! THERE ARE HOT SINGLE GIRLS READY TO MINGLE! JUST CLICK THIS LINK http://www.HOTBABES.com AND GET READY FOR THE NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE!!!

**_Like • Reply_ **

> **Washijou Tanji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> What is This? I clicked it..Nothing is Happening
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Washijou Tanji**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> WOW! I JUST HAD THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE! ALL I DID WAS CLICK THIS LINK http://www.HOTBABES.com AND I GOT TO FUCK HOT BABES! CLICK NOW TO HAVE MY SAME EXPERIENCE!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Goshiki Tsutomu**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> COACH NO!!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Washijou:
> 
> hAHA I had a literal seizure writing johzenji’s groupchat widbeifneirnfjsowjndd but i dont regret it
> 
> also i don’t actually know how fb groups work?? ik the tags say I downloaded facebook but i deleted it right after so u guys better bet this entire fic is based on my assumptions lmao oops  
> hope u guys enjoyed and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 351 KUDOS!! I LOVE U ALL!!!


	9. The Gathering (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Sawamura Daichi**   
>  _7 hours ago_
>> 
>> That’s what I’m saying
>> 
>> **_Like • Reply_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can explain,,,,

**Tsuchiyu Arata**  
_7 hours ago_

Hey, so um, my family is having a gathering at 1:30 at my house and I was wondering if anyone wanted to come?

**_25 Likes 10 Comments 14 Shares_ **

> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> A family gathering!?! Oh HELL YEAH!! Count me and the rest of the squad in!!!
> 
> **_12 Likes_ **
> 
> **Tsuchiyu Arata**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> Actually, I don’t really think that’s a good idea…?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> **@Bobata Kazuma, @Futamuta Takeharu, @Higashiyama Katsumichi, @Numajiri Rintarou, @Izaka Nobuyoshi, @Sawamura Daichi, @Bokuto Koutarou, @Kuroo Tetsurou, @Hinata Shouyou** YALL READY TO CRASH TSUCHIYU’S FAMILY GATHERING?????
> 
> **Tsuchiyu Arata**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> Wait what
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> HELL YEAH!!
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> !!!!!YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hinata Shouyou**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> YEAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Izaka Nobuyoshi**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Higashiyama Katsumichi**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsuchiyu Arata**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> wait no no no no
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Numajiri Rintarou**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futamata Takeharu**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bobata Kazuma**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsuchiyu Arata**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> DAMNIT
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sawamura Daichi**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> That’s what I’m saying
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Tsuchiyu Chika]**

_10:46 am_

**Tsuchiyu Arata**

um mom…

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

Oh, Arata, did you invite some of your friends to the gathering?

**Tsuchiyu Arata**

I did...

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

How many? I need to know so I know how much I need to spend on catering.

**Tsuchiyu Arata**

Like 10? Well no..scratch that...they’ll probably invite more without my permission so make it 20...or 30 I don’t know why did you make me invite people god I hate this

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

Wait, what? You’re inviting 30 college students to our family gathering? Into my home? Do you even know those people!?!

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

Arata???

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

ARATA???

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Kuroo Tetsurou]**

_10:50 am_

**Bokuto Koutarou**

THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME!!!

**Bokuto Koutarou**

But it would be even more awesome if Akaaaashi and Tsukki went :(

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

No worry Bo, I have a plan

**Bokuto Koutarou**

really??? What is it??

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

With the blackmail material I have built up among the years, we will mentally break them until they are but a shell of their former selves, making it easier for us to coerce them into following and obeying us.

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

But if THAT doesn’t work (which I doubt it won’t),

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

We’ll just threaten to break their kneecaps.

**Bokuto Koutarou**

Bro...You are amazing

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

I know ;)

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Matsukawa Issei]**

_11:01 am_

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

Babe

**Matsukawa Issei**

Babe what

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

We should, like, totally go crash that kid’s family gathering

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

Like, everyone is going,, even Ushiwaka is

**Matsukawa Issei**

I feel like Ushiwaka is the type of person to go to those things tho

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

me too but like,

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

that kid’s fam is rich and imagine all the valuables—

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

I MEAN FOOD that will be there

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

and, like, oikawa’s crush is gonna totally be there ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Matsukawa Issei**

you make a compelling point ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

i know ohohohoho ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Matsukawa Issei**

OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

OHOHOOHHOHOOHOHOHOHOHHOO 

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Oikawa Tooru]**

_11:24 am_

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Oikawa Tooru**

NO

**Oikawa Tooru**

ABSOLUTELY NOT

**Oikawa Tooru**

YOU ARENT DOING THIS SHIT TO ME TWICE

**Oikawa Tooru**

FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

....it was autocorrect you asshole

**Oikawa Tooru**

...oh, sorry—

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

sike

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Oikawa Tooru**

FUCK

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Sawamura Daichi]**

_11:32 am_

**Sugawara Koushi**

alright open up

**Sawamura Daichi**

As a child I had once seen my dog eat an innocent butterfly whole and I think that’s why I am so numb to the world as of today. I didn’t even care when I opened my bedroom door last week to find Terushima laid out in my bed, completely naked, in one of those “draw me like your french girls” poses. I just closed the door and went to Taco Bell. And just yesterday, Nishinoya set the kitchen on fire, again, and I did nothing to stop it. I watched it happen. I mean, at one point, I caught on fire too! But I didn’t care, Suga, I didn’t care at all...Oh and I don’t want to go to the gathering.

**Sawamura Daichi**

oh wait you meant the door

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Tsuchiyu Chika]**

_12:30 pm_

**Zookeeper #1**

haha uh hey Tsuchiyu-san!

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

What’s wrong?

**Zookeeper #1**

no nothing!! I just saw a funny video and it reminded me of you lol

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

Oh, good for you I guess?

**Zookeeper #1**

oh yeah it was funny lmao

**Zookeeper #1**

oh and also, the lion escaped from the cage

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

Oh oka—

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

WAIT WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “op, two chapter nine’s???? wtf is happening??”
> 
> uh, well, u see....
> 
> your author has zero (0) impulse control. that’s right, you heard it here folks, i am INCAPABLE of controlling myself and my urges. with that being said, you can understand the position i put myself in when I wrote the first chapter nine, posted it, reread it after posting it, and then realized that 1) i could do better and 2) i didnt like it. My monkey brain zeroed in on only one option to fix this, and that was to delete it and hope no one noticed.
> 
> (I’m pretty sure all of you noticed)
> 
> For those of you who read the first chapter nine and enjoyed it, I am so sorry I deleted it  
> :( This was entirely on me and I hope you can forgive me.
> 
> (Rare_pair_princess and nevercoald—I saw your comments, nd I love and thank u so much and I hope you enjoyed this chapter and pls forgive me) 
> 
> And If it makes you feel any better our resident tiktok eboy Onagawa will make an appearance in future chapters 😩✊ HE WILL MAKE A COMEBACK
> 
> But if you DIDNT get a chance to read the first chapter nine, then ignore most of what I said and I hope you enjoy this one! I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! cause shit’s abt to go down 👀
> 
> I thank every single one of you again for over 400+ kudos,, I know I might be overreacting but I seriously didn’t expect anyone to read and laugh at this but you guys have proven me wrong time and time again and someone is even translating this fic so really, I can’t express how grateful I am to you all. Thank you and I love you guys :,)


	10. The Gathering (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Tsuchiyu Chika**
>> 
>> WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL IS HAPPENING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK BITCHES!!

**[Direct Message → Tsuchiyu Chika]**

__

_1:04 pm_

**Zookeeper #1**

tsuchiyu-san i need to tell u something!!!!

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

Unless it’s about the lion running rampant in my backyard, I don’t want to hear it!

**Zookeeper #1**

hrrrrrnnrnnrnrnnngngggg

_1:24 pm_

**Zookeeper #1**

WE FOUND THE LION!!!!

**Zookeeper #1**

now can i tell u the thing i wanted to tell u?!?!?!

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

Oh thank god! I thought I was going to have to cancel the gathering at this point! Thank you!

**Zookeeper #1**

yeah yeah but can i tell u the thing now!??

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

Oh look at that...My son is calling me! You’ll have to tell me later, then.

**Zookeeper #1**

tsuchiyu-san u know i can see u right

**Zookeeper #1**

u know i can see that u are not, in fact, getting a call

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

.

**Zookeeper #1**

....im gonna tell u now

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

Please don’t.

**Zookeeper #1**

h–

**Zookeeper #1**

how did the picture end up in jail1!?2?2!

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

Oh my god.

**Zookeeper #1**

KABDIRBFJSNF

**Zookeeper #1**

IT WAS FRAMED!!!!

**Zookeeper #1**

LMFAOOOOO

**Zookeeper #1**

tsuchiyu-san you’re laughing right???? right?????

_You can’t reply to this conversation. Learn More._

**Zookeeper #1**

WH

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Akaashi Keiji]**

_1:25 pm_

**Sawamura Daichi**

Why does Kuroo look like he’s about to cry and why is Bokuto actually crying in my backseat?

**Sawamura Daichi**

And why do I wish I was in their place...

**Akaashi Keiji**

They thought they could emotionally break me by saying they knew I had been “secretly emo” when I was a teenager and that they had the pictures to prove it. When they realized that I could tell the difference between my younger self and Kuroo in badly dressed cosplay, they pulled out a bat and threatened to break my kneecaps. I simply defended myself.

**Akaashi Keiji**

They also apparently tried to do it to Tsukishima but he wouldn’t even open the door for them, so that might’ve also hurt their egos.

**Akaashi Keiji**

Wait what did you just say?

**Sawamura Daichi**

Uh

  


* * *

  
**Nishinoya Yuu**  
_4 hours ago_

THIS GATHERING IS GONNA BE AWESOME!!!!

[Photo: _Nishinoya is posing alongside Tanaka and Hinata inside a car. Noya and Tanaka both have mischievous grins on their faces while Hinata is wearing a more innocent one. In the upper left corner Kageyama can be seen sleeping, and in the lower right, half of Asahi’s face can also be seen. To the back, a large box peeks over the seats, the words “FIREWORKS” emblazed in bold letters on the front._ [

**_52 Likes 15 Comments 34 Shares_ **

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _4 hours ago_
> 
> Are those….fireworks in the back?
> 
> **_21 Likes_ **
> 
> **Nishinoya Yuu**  
>  _4 hours ago_
> 
> no
> 
> **_30 Likes_ **
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _4 hours ago_
> 
> Nishinoya-san!!! The gathering is at Tsuchiyu-san’s home, you can’t just set off fireworks there!! Please don’t let your and Tanaka-san’s obsession put you guys in jail! And don’t try to distract me like you did last time and ignore my warnings, because it won't work this time!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Nishinoya Yuu**  
>  _4 hours ago_
> 
> aww you’re so cute yamaguchi!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _4 hours ago_
> 
> aww thank you 🥺
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _4 hours ago_
> 
> wait a minute
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**[Iwaizumi Hajime→ the trash guy missed something oikawa is still here** _chat_ **]**

_1:43 pm_

**Iwaizumi Hajime**

**@Matsukawa Issei, @Hanamaki Takahiro** Where the FUCK are you rascals

**Oikawa Tooru**

Iwa-chan no wonder you’re still single!!! you’re like an old man LMAO

**Iwaizumi Hajime**

FUCK OFF

**Matsukawa Issei**

we’re here, no need to worry grandpa ;)

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

we sure are here ;)

**Oikawa Tooru**

dont tell me you guys are fucking in a closet again

**Matsukawa Issei**

Not this time. But we sure are doing something even better than sex ;)

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

STEALING

**Matsukawa Issei**

TAKING A MASSIVE SHIT

**Iwaizumi Hajime**

Uh

**Oikawa Tooru**

Like, together or…?

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

.

**Matsukawa Issei**

.

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

....babe what’re u doing?

**Matsukawa Issei**

....not taking a massive shit

**Matsukawa Issei**

babe, what’re U doing?

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

...sure not stealing from this rich woman!!

**Matsukawa Issei**

hahaha as you can see, we sure arent doing two different things and are instead, enjoying this family gathering together!

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

hahaha that’s right!!

**Iwaizumi Hajime**

...what the fuck?

**Matsukawa Issei**

👀

**Hanamaki Takahiro**

👀

**Oikawa Tooru**

👀

**Iwaizumi Hajime**

what the FUCK?

  


* * *

  
**Tsuchiyu Arata**  
_3 hours ago_

**@Terushima Yuuji, @Bobata Kazuma, @Futamata Takeharu, @Numajiri Rintarou, @Higahsiyama Katsumichi, @Izaka Nobuyoshi** WHAT ARE YOU GUYS WEARING???

[Photo: _The entirety of the Johzenji team wearing bright yellow suits in the midst of a crowd._ ]

**_56 Likes 12 Comments 41 Shares_ **

> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Fashion
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bobata Kazuma**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> ur mom
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futamata Takeharu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> suits!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Numajiri Rintarou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Clothes
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Higashiyama Katsumichi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> shoes
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Izaka Nobuyoshi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> no socks
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsuchiyu Arata**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> I hate this I hate this so much
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**Fukunaga Shouhei**  
_2 hours ago_

[Photo: _A wide shot of a crowd, basked in sunlight and surrounded by towering trees and flowers. Tables line the side, decorated with food and various ice sculptures of different animals. A large fountain can be seen behind them, and even further down, an enormous mansion._ ]

**_35 Likes 21 Comments 18 Shares_ **

> **Fukunaga Shouhei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> [Photo: _A photo of Johzenji (with the exception of Arata) are seen together in a circle, along with Bokuto and Kuroo (who are both sporting matching black eyes), caught midway in what seems to be a chugging contest, all of them drinking a bottle of beer. Tsukishima and Akaashi are off to the side, torn between trying to look like they don’t know them and trying not to watch._ ]
> 
> **_42 Likes_ **
> 
> **Fukunaga Shouhei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> [Photo: _Daichi, Sugawara, and Asahi stand together next to one of the many tables, an ice sculpture of a swan next to them. Daichi is nursing a wine glass, completely indifferent as Sugawara is caught vigorously shaking him, Asahi trying to stop him with a panicked expression._ ]
> 
> **_40 Likes_ **
> 
> **Fukunaga Shouhei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> [Photo: _Iwaizumi is standing with his hands on his hips and his face murderous, towering over an Oikawa, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa, who are on the ground in full prostration, vases and jewelry littered around them. Hanamaki and Oikawa are still very clearing wearing some of the said jewelry, and Yahaba is in the background laughing his ass off with Watari next to him, staring with his jaw dropped._ ]
> 
> **_45 Likes_ **
> 
> **Fukunaga Shouhei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> [Photo: _Nishinoya, Tanaka and Yamamoto are inconspicuously trying to push a box of fireworks off-screen, all three of them wearing mischievous grins as they do. Narita and Yamaguchi are staring directly at them, offended._ ]
> 
> **_47 Likes_ **
> 
> **Fukunaga Shouhei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> [Photo: _Hinata, Kageyama, Atsumu and Kenma are clustered around one another—Hinata and Kageyama caught mid-argument, an entire pear held between them as Atsumu and Kenma watch on fondly._ ]
> 
> **_46 Likes_ **
> 
> **Fukunaga Shouhei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> [Photo: _Ushijima is also caught debating with an unknown person, Tendou standing between them with a confused expression._ ]
> 
> **_46 Likes_ **
> 
> **Fukunaga Shouhei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> [Photo: _Komori is grinning directly at the camera as he holds up a plastic bug, pointing towards Sakusa who is standing behind him, his back turned._ ]
> 
> [Photo: _A blurred shot of Sakusa flinching, falling backwards and into several people as the plastic bug flew in the air, Komori visibly crying with laughter next to him._ ]
> 
> **_48 Likes_ **
> 
> **Fukunaga Shouhei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> [Photo: _Kamasaki and Futakuchi are caught arm-wrestling, wicked grins on both of their faces. The food on the table have been pushed to the side, some of it being caught midair toppling off. Aone is dictating, his hand raised to bring down, and Moniwa is in the back, watching in disappointment._ ]
> 
> **_50 Likes_ **
> 
> **Fukunaga Shouhei**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> [Photo: _Koganegawa and Goshiki are conversing with one another, Goshiki leaning against a tree as he stares at Koganegawa (whose back is to the camera) in a mixture of both disgust and horror._ ]
> 
> **_49 Likes_ **
> 
> **Kinoshita Hisashi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Was that shiratorizawa’s old captain in one of those pictures?
> 
> [Photo: _A zoomed in, pixelated picture of what looks to be Washijou Tanji handing a brown paper bag to an unknown person in the crowd._ ]
> 
> **_37 Likes_ **

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Kinoshita Hisashi]**

_4:20 pm_

**Washijou Tanji**

You didnt see Shit you Dumb Idiot shut Up you goddamn Pussy go Get some Glasses you Grandpa you Can’t even See you stupid Bitch go fall off A Cliff and Die

**Kinoshita Hisashi**

HELLO???

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Yaku Morisuke]**

_5:05 pm_

**Lev Haiba**

Yaku-san...do you hear that????

**Yaku Morisuke**

Lev it is literally so fucking loud what are you talking about

**Lev Haiba**

the sound…..the sound of a wild beast

**Lev Haiba**

THE SOUND OF A LION!!

**Yaku Morisuke**

Oh my god

**Yaku Morisuke**

You’re finally going crazy aren’t you?

**Lev Haiba**

NO!!!!

**Lev Haiba**

THERE IS A LION AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE AND I SWEAR TO GOD IM GONNA FIND IT!!!

**Yaku Morisuke**

Whatever you say Lev, whatever you say

**Lev Haiba**

URGGGGG

  


* * *

  
**Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
_30 minutes ago_

BLAST OFF IN 3

**_32 Likes 10 Comments 16 Shares_ **

__

> _**Nishinoya Yuu**  
>  _30 minutes ago__
> 
> 2!!
> 
> **_33 Likes_ **
> 
> **Yamamoto Taketora**  
>  _30 minutes ago_
> 
> 1!!
> 
> **_34 Likes_ **
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> **Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
>  _29 minutes ago_
> 
> WOOOOOOOO!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

_  
_

* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Tsuchiyu Chika]**

__

_6:47 pm_

**Zookeeper #1**

TSUCHIYU-SAN BAD NEWS THE FIREWORKS SCARED THE LION ND NOW HES GONE

_You can’t reply to this conversation. Learn More._

**Zookeeper #1**

UH OH

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Yaku Morisuke]**

_6:51 pm_

**Lev Haiba**

ITS DOG!!!!! HE CAME BACK TO ME!!!

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Tsuchiyu Arata]**

__

_6:52 pm_

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL IS HAPPENING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aYYYEEEE HELLO EVERYONE!! IM back from the dead!!! 
> 
> first of all, happy late 4th of july to those who celebrate it!! i hope u guys saw pretty fireworks and stayed safe out there, i know i did 😩✨
> 
> nd secondly, so sorry abt the long wait!! this chapter took over a week to write simply bc your author legit forgot how to write aoenrjrneienfirnejrbf IM NOT EVEN JOKING 
> 
> it took a majority of the week for me to get motivation, and then for the last three days i rewrote this chapter over 20 times because i fucking forgot how to write a chAT FIC AND BE FUNNY FOR _THREE GODDAMN DAYS_ IT WAS TERRIBLE LMFAO
> 
> but im so grateful i was finally able to get my groove back nd finally deliver u all this chapter!! I hope you guys liked it and enjoyed and laughed bc thats what im here for and I live for your comments and kudos, so I hope this chapter delivered 😤 
> 
> P.S to all my subscriber friends,, i am so sorry i just found out u guys get notifications every time i update this fic nd i tend to go back to edit some mistakes i made or format a chapter better (which i most definitely did to chapter 4 LMAO) but yeah u guys r probably gonna get more notifs once i go back and reread this,, you’ve been warned friends 😤❤️


	11. Cosplay and its Consenquences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Semi Eita**   
>  _3 hours ago_
>> 
>> My roommate just left our dorm in a lion costume what the fuck?
>> 
>> **_45 Likes 20 Comments 29 Shares_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ur author reuses jokes pass it on

**_Komori Motoya_ ** _is calling…_

_”...Hello?”_

_”Hey Kageyama!”_

_”Oh. Hey Komo-san—“_

_”That’s not—“_

_”Why are you calling?”_

_”...I’m calling because I heard the news. I’m so sorry this has happened to you, and I just want you to know, I’m completely here for you.”_

_“Okay.”_

_”It’s okay to cry, y’know? No one will judge you.”_

_“Okay.”_

_”Just let it all out.” ___

____

_”Okay.”_

_”I know you already have trouble expressing yourself, but everyone will understand. You just lost someone very important to you, so of course you’ll mourn.”_

_”Okay.”_

_”You don’t need to hide behind a mask anymore, Kageyama.”_

_”Okay.”_

_”Seriously, I’m here for you. Just cry.”_

_”No.”_

_”Why the hell not!?”_

_”Why do you want me to cry so badly, Komo-san?”_

_”That’s not—y’know what, nevermind, just—it’s bad to bottle up your feelings, Kageyama! Take it from me, the master of bottling up feelings! Trust me, it’ll end up backfiring in your face and the next thing you know, you’re being served in court because apparently when baby ducks follow their mom around it's cute and endearing but when I follow my ex around I’m ‘endangering an innocent civilian’ and need ‘psychological care’.”_

_”Uh—“_

_”So trust me, Kageyama. You don’t want to bottle up your feelings. Just let it out. Please.”_

_”But I don’t understand what I’m supposed to be letting out, Komo-san.”_

_”Kageyama! One of your old teammates was mauled by a lion! What do you mean you don’t understand?!”_

_”No they weren’t.”_

_”Yes they were! Your teammates have been spamming ‘RIP Asahi’ for three days!”_

_”Asahi-san passed out again. They’re making fun of him, I think.”_

_”...Oh.”_

_”Yeah.”_

_”Well then, please ignore what I mentioned earlier and we can pretend this conversation never happened.”_

_”What?”_

_”Exactly.”_  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Tsuchiyu Chika]**

__

_1:07 pm_

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

That gathering was simply UNACCEPTABLE and your services will NEVER be welcomed back, do you understand me?

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

Your incompetence at doing your job nearly cost LIVES, one of my son’s friends by the name Azumane Asahi could’ve DIED because of you, as goes for the rest of them!

**Zookeeper #1**

didn’t he only pass out tho

**Zookeeper #1**

and didn’t one of them try to fight it? that elementary kid with that one streak of blonde?? and didnt the tall, silver haired one try to hug it??? they were basically asking for it

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

AND NOT ONLY THAT! BUT you RUINED my reputation! I wouldn’t be surprised if I was never allowed to host our family gathering ever again after this! I also wouldn’t be surprised if I was cast out of the family, considering all of my mother-in-law’s jewelry has disappeared!! 

**Zookeeper #1**

oi dont ignore me

**Tsuchiyu Chika**

So NO, I will NOT be telling your boss about what an “amazing job” you “didally did”. I will be instead, telling your boss about the HORRIBLE and UNFORGIVABLE job you did. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.

**Zookeeper #1**

aw shucks

  


* * *

  
**Yaku Morisuke**  
_3 hours ago_

Someone hold me back before I suffocate my titan of a roommate with a goddamn pillow he’s been crying for three fucking days straight

**_39 Likes 15 Comments 21 Shares_ **

> **Kozume Kenma**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> do it
> 
> **_32 Likes_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> don’t do it he owes me $5
> 
> **_30 Likes_ **
> 
> **Kai Nobuyuki**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Too much collateral damage, I suggest you don’t.
> 
> **_29 Likes_ **
> 
> **Kozume Kenma**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> _do it_
> 
> **_33 Likes_ **
> 
> **Shibayama Yuuki**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> No!!!!
> 
> **_28 Likes_ **
> 
> **Nishinoya Yuu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> **@Lev Haiba** DIE
> 
> **_30 Likes_ **
> 
> **Shibayama Yuuki**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> NO!!!!
> 
> **_29 Likes_ **
> 
> **Koganegawa Kanji**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Don’t worry Yaku-san!!! I’m on my way!!!
> 
> **_28 Likes_ **
> 
> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> What
> 
> **_31 Likes_ **

  


* * *

  
**Semi Eita**  
_3 hours ago_

My roommate just left our dorm in a lion costume what the fuck?

**_45 Likes 20 Comments 29 Shares_ **  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Lev Haiba]**

_1:15 pm_

**Koganegawa Kanji**

open the door lev!!!

**Lev Haiba**

why should i?

**Koganegawa Kanji**

cause im outside :3

**Lev Haiba**

i dont want to. im depressed. im dying.

**Koganegawa Kanji**

that’s why im here!!! so open the door ):3

**Lev Haiba**

why do u keep making that face

**Koganegawa Kanji**

you'll see if u open the door :3!!!

**Lev Haiba**

no thank you

**Koganegawa Kanji**

so u say but ur opening the door :3

**Lev Haiba**

thats not me

**Koganegawa Kanji**

wh

**Koganegawa Kanji**

NANDJSNFJDHJWIRBGBS

**Lev Haiba**

?????

  


* * *

  
**Yaku Morisuke**  
_3 hours ago_

OH SHIT I JUST KNOCKED SOMEONE OUT IN A LION COSTUME

**_43 Likes 27 Comments 30 Shares_ **

> **Yaku Morisuke**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> OH SHIT IT WAS KOGANEGAWA
> 
> **_47 Likes_ **
> 
> **Moniwa Kaname**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> WHAT
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen, i know kageyama hasnt gotten komori’s name wrong but i also know kageyama cant fucking read nd therefore he cant pronounce names like they’re supposed to be so idc u can @ me but ill never forget the time when he completely fucking butchered Koganegawa’s name bc that was pure comedy gold
> 
> also, this entire week has just been me getting the days mixed up like on friday i thought it was wednesday nd i woke up the next day to see it was saturday and all i have to say is time is fake and u shouldnt believe it 
> 
> hope u all enjoyed this short n sweet chapter tho, its all i could come up with :,)


	12. The Laundry Room Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Kindaichi Yuutarou**
>> 
>> OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i officially declare my upload schedule to be irregular and unfortunately none of you can stop me

**[Kindaichi Yuutarou → Housemates** _chat_ **]**

_9:29 am_

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

Hey, um, if anyone is up and sees this, please come help me in the laundry room downstairs, I think I messed up.

_9:34 am_

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

Guys for real, I’m freaking out please if anyone is up come down here and help me it’s an emergency.

_9:39 am_

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

GUYS SERIOUSLY WAKE UP I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP BADLY

_9:44 am_

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK

**Kozume Kenma**

what the hell

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

OH THANK GOD!!! KENMA-SAN I FUCKED UP I OVERLOADED THE MACHINE WITH CLOTHES AND IT JAMMED BUT THE WATER KEPT COMING AND FOR SOME REASON ITS PINK AND THE LAUNDRY ROOM IS FLOODED AND ITS UP TO MY KNEES AND THE DOOR WONT OPEN PLEASE HELP

**Kozume Kenma**

oh okay

_****_ ****

**_Kozume Kenma left the chat: Housemates_ **

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

WH

_****_ ****

**_Kunimi Akira left the chat: Housemates_ **

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

KUNIMI????

**Miya Osamu**

dude good luck

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

WHAT

_****_ ****

**_Miya Osamu left the chat: Housemates_ **

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

WHAT THE FUCK????

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Hinata Shouyou]**

_9:50 am_

**Hinata Shouyou**

so, its just me nd u, trapped in a laundry room as it slowly floods with pink water, huh turnip-head?

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

FUCK OFF

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Miya Atsumu]**

_9:51 am_

**Miya Atsumu**

did you guys forget im in here too

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

oh my GOD

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Sugawara Koushi]**

_10:01 am_

**Sawamura Daichi**

Hey, have you heard from Hinata? I’ve been calling since he wanted help on an assignment but he hasn’t picked up.

**Sugawara Koushi**

Nooope, but I’m sure he’ll call back soon, if his grades that he accidentally sent me are anything to go by.

**Sawamura Daichi**

Yeah, you’re right.

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Kyoutani Kentarou]**

_10:03 am_

**Yahaba Shigeru**

where the hell is kindaichi i need him for something

**Kyoutani Kentarou**

why the fuck would i know

**Yahaba Shigeru**

good thing i wasnt texting u asshole!!!

**Kyoutani Kentarou**

you are texting me DUMBASS

**Yahaba Shigeru**

.

**Yahaba Shigeru**

and?

**Kyoutani Kentarou**

ur a fucking idiot

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Miya Osamu]**

_10:07 am_

**Sakusa Kiyoomi**

Where is your idiot brother, he was supposed to show up at my dorm 5 minutes ago.

**Miya Osamu**

who knows, hope he’s dead tho that yogurt stealing bitch–

  


* * *

  
**[Kindaichi Yuutarou → we’re all gonna die** _chat_ **]**

_10:10 am_

**Miya Atsumu**

which is why we CANT call for help because they’re gonna make us pay for the water damage just bc some IDIOT cant work a WASHING MACHINE

**Miya Atsumu**

oh shit i just got the chills

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

it’s probably because you’re in your fucking underwear because the MACHINE ATE YOUR CLOTHES YOU HYPOCRITE

**Miya Atsumu**

FUCK OFF

**Hinata Shouyou**

oh so then we shouldnt contact anyone????

**Miya Atsumu**

yes shortie

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

NO

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

WE SHOULD BE CONTACTING EVERYONE BECAUSE AT THIS RATE WE ARE GOING TO DROWN IN PINK!! FUCKING!!! WATER!!!

**Hinata Shouyou**

im confused, should we or should we not??

**Miya Atsumu**

we shouldnt

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

WE SHOULD

**Hinata Shouyou**

...okay well either way i only contacted kageyama

**Miya Atsumu**

YOU DID??? did he reply???

**Hinata Shouyou**

no y

**Miya Atsumu**

...i, also, may have only contacted him

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

.

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING ONLY CONTACTING ONE FUCKING PERSON??? ARE YOU IDIOTS?? IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE??? DO YOU WANT US TO DIE???

**Miya Atsumu**

FIRST OF ALL FUCK YOU!!! AND SECONDLY I WAS JUST CHECKING TO SEE IF HE WANTED TO HANG OUT LATER TODAY!!

**Hinata Shouyou**

AND I WAS TEXTING HIM TO TELL HIM HE WAS AN IDIOT BECAUSE HE CALLED ME ONE AFTER I FELL ASLEEP STUDYING EVEN THO HES DONE THAT A BUNCH OF TIMES!!!

**Hinata Shouyou**

ALSO WHY DO I FEEL SO COLD??? ITS LIKE THE WATER REACHED MY—

**Hinata Shouyou**

.

**Miya Atsumu**

.

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

.

  


* * *

  
**Daishou Suguru**  
_10 minutes ago_

Who the actual FUCK is SCREAMING at 10 IN THE FUCKING MORNING RIGHT NOW??

**_27 Likes 12 Comments 15 Shares_ **  


* * *

  
**[Kindaichi Yuutarou → we’re all gonna die** _chat_ **]**

_10:21 am_

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

OH MY GOD WHAT DO WE DO OH MY OGODISJEBEBF

**Hinata Shouyou**

I think it’s about time I tell you all that I never learned how to swim

**Miya Atsumu**

GODFUCKINGDAMNIT SHORTIE

**Hinata Shouyou**

IT ISNT MY FAULT!!!

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

ohmtfucjifngodwerefonnadieonhmyogodowndnd

**Hinata Shouyou**

whatWHAT IF WE JUST DRINK THE WATER??? JUST DRINK IT BEFORE IT GETS TOO HIGH????

**Miya Atsumu**

listen shortie i dont really think thats a good ide

**Miya Atsumu**

.

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

.

**Miya Atsumu**

.

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

.

**Miya Atsumu**

he drank it.

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

HE FUCKING DRANK IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJSNDJENDUENDIDNDNCN

  


* * *

  
**Daishou Suguru**  
_5 minutes ago_

DID THE SCREAMING JUST GET LOUDER???

**_30 Likes 20 Comments 19 Shares_ **  


* * *

  
**[Kindaichi Yuutarou → we’re all gonna die** _chat_ **]**

_10:23 am_

**Miya Atsumu**

STOP YELLING AND HELP ME BEFORE HE DROWNS

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

NO

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

I WONT STOP UNTIL SOMEONE HEARS US AND HEL

**Kindaichi Yuutarou**

wait is the door jiggling???

**Miya Atsumu**

wh

**Miya Atsumu**

OH SHIT

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Tendou Satori]**

_10:23 am_

**Ushijima Wakatoshi**

I am going to go do laundry now Tendou.

**Tendou Satori**

Okay!!!!

_10:30 am_

**Tendou Satori**

Wakatoshi-kun? Aren’t you done yet?

_10:35 am_

**Tendou Satori**

Okay, now you’re starting to worry me, what is taking you so long?? You do know how to do laundry right???

_10:40 am_

**Tendou Satori**

YOU SERIOUSLY DONT KNOW HOW TO DO LAUNDRY???

_10:43 am_

**Tendou Satori**

WAKATOSHI-KUN?????? DID YOU DROWN IN THE WASHING MACHINE????

  


* * *

  
**Kinoshita Hisashi**  
_Just now_

HELLO??????????

[Photo: _A shot of Ushijima, Hinata, Atsumu and Kindaichi strewn around in a puddle of pinkish water: Ushijima is face down, a pile of clothes around him. Hinata is unconscious, splayed out in a starfish position off to the side, next to him being Kindaichi, who is gripping the wall like his life depends on it, and Atsumu, who is curled into a ball, clad in only his underwear._ ]

**_43 Likes 28 Comments 37 Shares_ **

> **Tendou Satori**  
>  _Just now_
> 
> OH MY GOD
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> learn how to do laundry, kids
> 
> sorry about the late chapter tho,, but like I said, my upload schedule will now be irregular cause unfortunately I can’t keep up anymore with my old schedule, but i will say tho that my uploads will probably follow like a once every two weeks kinda thing, but if i can and if i do finish a chapter early i will upload it no matter the day 
> 
> And for my four (4) followers on tumblr, I don’t know if you guys realized it but I sure did delete it!! (rather impulsively, might I add) so yeah uh, here it is my [Tumblr](https://semicirrcular.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, ty for every comment and kudo y’all leave me, i honestly appreciate every single one of you so thank you again 😤✨


	13. The Graveyard Shift ft. Tsukishima Akiteru Pissing Himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Tsukishima Akiteru updated his status.**
>> 
>> **Tsukishima Akiteru:** I’m going to die.
>> 
>> **_30 Likes • 10 Comments • 21 Shares_ **

**Tsukishima Akiteru**  
_16 hours ago_

HELLLL YEAHHH YOU KNOW THIS BOI JUST GOT A NEW JOB!!!

**_25 Likes 5 Comments 9 Shares_ **

> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _16 hours ago_
> 
> What is it.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Akiteru**  
>  _16 hours ago_
> 
> its so nice that you care, little bro :,) its $20 an hour and i start TONIGHT!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _16 hours ago_
> 
> What. Is. The. Job. Akiteru.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Akiteru**  
>  _16 hours ago_
> 
> why do you want to know so bad?!?!? bro thats kinda creepy 😳
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _16 hours ago_
> 
> I just wanted to know because I just saw a flyer advertising a part-time job earning $20 an hour to work nights at an “amazing, absolutely breathtaking place that will give you the chills,” because, you see, I wanted to warn the people who didn’t see the disclaimer that you will actually be working from 1-4 am cleaning gravestones in a graveyard.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Akiteru**  
>  _16 hours ago_
> 
> oh…..really…..
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _16 hours ago_
> 
> Yes. And I just wanted to make sure you had in fact, not applied for it, because we all know how well you are with horror.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Akiteru**  
>  _16 hours ago_
> 
> right….right….which is why im glad to say my new job is at 7/11 :)
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

* * *

  
  
**Tsukishima Akiteru updated his status.**  


**Tsukishima Akiteru:** I’m going to die.

**_30 Likes • 10 Comments • 21 Shares_ **

> **Tsukishima Kei:** You fucking liar.

* * *

  
  
**Tsukishima Akiteru**  
_8 hours ago_

One hour into my shift :) I’m having so :) much :) fun ::::)))))))

**_32 Likes 12 Comments 24 Shares_ **

> **Tanaka Saeko**  
>  _8 hours ago_
> 
> Lmaooo imagine a bunch of ghosts imprinting on you and then haunting you for the rest of your life lolololol
> 
> **_12 Likes_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Akiteru**  
>  _8 hours ago_
> 
> SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP
> 
> **_22 Likes_ **

* * *

  
  
**Tsukishima Akiteru**  
_7 hours ago_

Y’know what? Now that I think about it this isn’t really that bad, if anything this experience is just teaching me how fragile our lives really are and it makes me pity all of these souls whose lives have passed on and the people they left behind.

**_35 Likes 8 Comments 16 Shares_ **

> **Tsukishima Akiteru**  
>  _7 hours ago_
> 
> I take it back the minute I posted this a breeze came in and lightning flashed across the sky and to put it simply I just pissed myself.
> 
> **_40 Likes_ **

* * *

  
  
**Tsukishima Akiteru**  
_6 hours ago_

I just found this tiny bag of white powder? The hell? Is this candy?

**_31 Likes 4 Comments 10 Shares_ **

> **Tanaka Saeko**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> Uh.
> 
> **_30 Likes_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Akiteru**  
>  _6 hours ago_
> 
> oh that is NOT CANDY
> 
> **_37 Likes_ **

* * *

  


_**Tsukishima Akiteru** is calling…_

  


_”What the hell do you want at 2 in the fucking morning you poor excuse of a big brother?”_

_”AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”_

_”Okay.”_

  


**_Call Ended._ **

* * *

  
  
**Tsukishima Akiteru**  
_5 hours ago_

w

**_23 Likes 10 Comments 18 Shares_ **

> **Tsukishima Akiteru**  
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> whats that light coming from the wOODS RIGHT NOW???? WHO ARE YOU?????
> 
> **_26 Likes_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Akiteru**  
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> NAJENFIWNFJWNRNDINWIDISNWDIJDWBJDIXNEBEBFIDBWUEBFIEMTODNAUWBFUDJENDNDSUEBDUSBOHSHITITSTHEJANITOR
> 
> **_20 Likes_ **
> 
> **Tanaka Saeko**  
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> But Akiteru, you’re the janitor.
> 
> **_27 Likes_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Akiteru**  
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> Oh okay.
> 
> **_30 Likes_ **

* * *

  
**Fukunaga Shouhei**  
_1 hour ago_

Local Resident Runs Naked Through the Woods, Then Breaks into His Own Home Because A ‘Ghost Janitor’ Was Chasing Him — Investigation Reveals No One Was

_ https://TodaiNews.com/12uWfcvQ _

**_37 Likes 20 Comments 31 Shares_ **  
  


* * *

  
**Tsukishima Akiteru updated his status.**  


**Tsukishima Akiteru:** I was fired.

**_50 Likes • 20 Comments • 43 Shares_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drugs are something else, don’t do them bros
> 
> but its a short chapter today y’all, since i have been focusing all of my attention on some fics in my notes and basically i attempted to write three (3) different fics at the same time and needless to say i still have three (3) blank google documents so you can imagine how my past few weeks went,, but for my daisuga, todobaku and bokuaka fans i assure u, atleast ONE of these will be out in the next couple weeks or u can assassinate me on the spot urself
> 
> anyways have a great day and hope u guys enjoyed :)


	14. Boy are you an elevator? ‘Cause I’ll go up and down on y—

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Futakuchi Kenji**
>> 
>> And now, here comes the final blow ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: changes were made!!! content was added!! my friends, pls enjoy once again ;)
> 
> also ennoshita is a capricorn hahahaha

**Daily Zodiac Horoscopes**  
_5 hours ago_

Capricorns, today just might be your lucky day! Romance is in the air and after everything you’ve gone through this week, you definitely deserve it! So keep a lookout, because sweet words and gestures are sure to come your way, and maybe even your forever person~

**_119 Likes 58 Comments 70 Shares_ **

> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> **@Ennoshita Chikara** Get ready motherfucker
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Ennoshita Chikara**  
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> What.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

* * *

  
  
**[Futakuchi Kenji → the elite task force** _chat_ **]**

_1:05 pm_

**Futakuchi Kenji**

It’s game time, you’re up **@Aone Takanobu**.

**Aone Takanobu**

Mm.

  
  


* * *

  
  
**[Ennoshita Chikara → whoever keeps changing the chat name to “RIP Asahi”, for the last time, I am begging you to stop. Please for the love of god just stop - Asahi** _chat_ **]**

_1:08 pm_

**Ennoshita Chikara**

Jumping off the dorm building with just an umbrella to see if Mary Poppins, a fictional character, is the real deal just makes you a fucking idiot

**Tanaka Ryuunosuke**

YOURE A FUCKING IDIOT, IDIOT

**Tsukishima Kei**

Ennoshita-san, don’t waste your breath. Natural selection will take care of him.

**Tanaka Ryuunosuke**

FUCK YOU!!!!

**__** __

_**Aone Takanobu joined the chat** _

**Hinata Shouyou**

oh hey aone!!!!

**Aone Takanobu**

**@Ennoshita Chikara** if youre reading this 💕😉 it means someone 🙋 thinks youre the most yiffable 👅💦 yummy 👌😜💙 furry 🐶🦁😻 in the world! 💯🌍 send this to 🔟 of your favorite 💋❤💖 vore buddies 😍💗 to guarantee 💯 more years 😏😉 of nyanderful yiffing 🐶😸

**Aone Takanobu**

–Futakuchi Kenji

**__** __

_**Aone Takanobu left the chat** _

**Hinata Shouyou**

h

**Tsukishima Kei**

.

**Tanaka Ryuunosuke**

IANDIWNRIENEIENRNFN

**Nishinoya Yuu**

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

**Azumane Asahi**

um

**Sugawara Koushi**

oh? 👀

**Sawamura Daichi**

Why is this giving me flashbacks to the time Terushima sent me 20 different chain texts about my ass

**Kinoshita Hisashi**

WHAT

**Kageyama Tobio**

?

**Yachi Hitoka**

????????????

**Shimizu Kiyoko**

Oh my.

**Tanaka Ryuunosuke**

**@Ennoshita Chikara** I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE A FUCKING FURRY LMFAOO

**Ennoshita Chikara**

What the fuck.

  
  


* * *

  
  
**[Direct Message → Futakuchi Kenji]**

_1:12 pm_

**Ennoshita Chikara**

WHAT THE FUCK.

  
  


* * *

  
  
**Terushima Yuuji**  
_5 hours ago_

**@Sawamura Daichi** Hey I need some tutoring help sos!!!

**_10 Likes 2 Comments 3 Shares_ **

> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> WTF THE FUCK I JUST ASKED FOR HIS HELP AND HE BLOCKED ME????? YOURE TOO CRUEL SAWAMURA!!!
> 
> **_20 Likes_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> but it only makes me want you more 😏
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Misaki Hana**  
>  _5 hours ago_
> 
> I’m gonna hurl.
> 
> **_32 Likes_ **

* * *

  
  
**[Futakuchi Kenji → the elite task force** _chat_ **]**

_2:00 pm_

**Futakuchi Kenji**

**@Narita Kazuhito** You’re turn.

**Narita Kazuhito**

01010101 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 01110011 01110100 01101111 01101111 01100100 00101110

  
  


* * *

  
  
**[Direct Message → Ennoshita Chikara]**

__

_2:05 pm_

**Narita Kazuhito**

01000101 01101110 01101110 01101111 01110011 01101000 01101001 01110100 01100001 00100000 01000011 01101000 01101001 01101011 01100001 01110010 01100001 00101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101101 01100101 01110011 01110011 01100001 01100111 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100010 01110010 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100010 01111001 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100011 01101100 01101001 01100101 01101110 01110100 00101100 00100000 01000110 01110101 01110100 01100001 01101011 01110101 01100011 01101000 01101001 00100000 01001011 01100101 01101110 01101010 01101001 00101110 00100000 01001000 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110011 01101000 01100101 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101000 01101001 01110011 00101110 00100000 01001001 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110011 01101000 01100101 01110011 00101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100101 01101110 01110100 01101001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100110 01100001 01101101 01101001 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110100 00100000 00110000 00110000 00111010 00110000 00110000 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100001 01110010 01110000 00101110 00100000 01000010 01100101 01110111 01100001 01110010 01100101 00101100 00100000 01000011 01101000 01101001 01101011 01100001 01110010 01100001 00101110 00100000

**Ennoshita Chikara**

Oh my fucking god.

  
  


* * *

  
  
**[Direct Message → Futakuchi Kenji]**

_2:08 pm_

**Ennoshita Chikara**

I’m going to fucking murder you and everyone involved in this play I swear to fucking god what is WRONG WITH YOU.

  
  


* * *

  
  
**Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
_4 hours ago_

**@Futakuchi Kenji** KEEP DOING WHAT YOURE DOING DUDE ENNOSHITA LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO COMMIT MURDER AND THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT IVE SEEN ALL WEEK

**_11 Likes 5 Comments 7 Shares_ **

> **Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
>  _4 hours ago_
> 
> Except for when me and **@Nishinoya Yuu** popped Daichi’s tires Saturday night which made him be forced to drive Terushima home after the party LMFAOOO
> 
> **_19 Likes_ **
> 
> **Nishinoya Yuu**  
>  _4 hours ago_
> 
> LMAO good times good times
> 
> **_24 Likes_ **
> 
> **Sawamura Daichi**  
>  _4 hours ago_
> 
> you did WHAT
> 
> **_24 Likes_ **

* * *

  
**[Futakuchi Kenji → the elite task force** _chat_ **]**

_3:00 pm_

**Futakuchi Kenji**

And now, for the cherry on top **@Yamaguchi Tadashi**

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

what? what am I doing? what are you talking about?

**Futakuchi Kenji**

Keep playing dumb freckles and see what happens bitch

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

WHAT

  
  


* * *

  
  
**[Direct Message → Ennoshita Chikara]**

__

_3:13 pm_

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

um….

**Ennoshita Chikara**

Yes, Yamaguchi?

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

Please don’t hurt me Futakuchi made me do this

**Ennoshita Chikara**

What

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

Are you French? Because Ifeell for y

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

h

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

oh my god he doesnt know how to spell Eiffel

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

okay let me try another one

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

If you were a transformer you’d be Optimus Prime

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

.

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

I think he meant Optimus fine….

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

um

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable..????

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

wh..what does that even mean

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

oh

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

OH IMPECCABLE BECAUSE THERES PEC AND CHICKENS PECK huh that’s actually kinda good

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

okay he has another one um

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

wh

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

what does that even say??? you look like a zebra???? what?????

**Ennoshita Chikara**

You can stop now.

**Yamaguchi Tadashi**

oh thank god i couldnt read any of these and he typed it out which means he just completely butchered these pick-up lines on his own and down the line they just get straight up offensive like i think one of these is just flat-out saying you’re fat nd oh my god thank you so much

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
**Ennoshita Chikara**  
_3 hours ago_

**@Futakuchi Kenji** Look out, fucker.

**_28 Likes 12 Comments 15 Shares_ **  
  


* * *

  
  
  
**[Futakuchi Kenji → the elite task force** _chat_ **]**

__

_4:01 pm_

**Futakuchi Kenji**

And now, here comes the final blow ;)

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
**[Direct Message → Ennoshita Chikara]**

__

_4:07 pm_

**Futakuchi Kenji**

I was wondering if you had an extra hat, because mine was just stolen

**Futakuchi Kenji**

wait FUCK I meant HEART NOT HAT MY HEART WAS STOLEN

**Futakuchi Kenji**

hello???

**Futakuchi Kenji**

? are you in my house rn?

**Futakuchi Kenji**

WHA

  
  


* * *

  
  
**Konoha Akinori**  
_2 hours ago_

My roommate??? Is fucking dead?????

**_45 Likes 23 Comments 31 Shares_ **  
  


* * *

  
  
**Daily Zodiac Horoscopes**  
_7 hours ago_

Capricorns, today just might be your lucky day! Romance is in the air and after everything you’ve gone through this week, you definitely deserve it! So keep a lookout, because sweet words and gestures are sure to come your way, and maybe even your forever person~

**_119 Likes 58 Comments 70 Shares_ **

> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _Just now_
> 
> You’re a fucking liar and I am going to kill you in cold blood
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look up what narita said urself u cowards
> 
> hahha yes I finally uploaded this chapter and no i will not be taking any questions about the upcoming fics i may or may not have mentioned last chapter hahaha mind ur own buisness 
> 
> anyways :) hope u guys enjoyed futakuchi’s amazing attempt at flirting, because i sure did, nd hope u guys also give kudos nd comments bc i love seeing them 🥺💕 thank you all for over 630+ kudos!!! 
> 
> see u guys uh whenever!!!


	15. POV: Onagawa tries to get your number and you reject him but then he shows you his Tik Toks and you fall for him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Onagawa Tarou**   
>  _2 hours ago_
>> 
>> im a masochist
>> 
>> **_Like • Reply_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’know I hate most of my chapter titles but this one especially makes my blood boil.

**Onagawa Tarou**  
_3 hours ago_

hahaha heeeey guys ;) you must’ve come from my tiktok for some exclusive videos ;) well here you go 😜 

POV: I walk in on you in the bathroom nd u fall for me.

[Video: _Melanie Martinez’s “Playdate” plays in the background as Onagawa stares unblinkingly into the camera, smirking and licking his lips sometimes, barely moving._ ]

**_4 Likes 10 Comments 2 Shares_ **

> **Random Girl #1**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> ur hot papi
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Obara Yutaka**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> **_12 Likes_ **

  


* * *

  
**Onagawa Tarou updated his status.**

****

**Onagawa Tarou:** Be who you wanna be, let no one stop you 👊 and FUCK OFF OBARA

**_Like • Comment • Share_ **

> **Obara Yutaka:** fuck you

  


* * *

  
**Michimiya Yui**  
_3 hours ago_

Eating lunch with my beautiful girlfriend <3 **@Aihara Mao**

**_35 Likes 10 Comments 14 Shares_ **

> **Aihara Mao**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> <3333
> 
> **_30 Likes_ **
> 
> **Onagawa Tarou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Come and eat🍴
> 
> [Photo: _Onagawa is shirtless and pouring whip cream down his pants. _]__
> 
> ____
> 
> __**_Like • Reply_ ** _ _
> 
> ____
> 
> **Michimiya Yui**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> .
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Aihara Mao**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> .
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Onagawa Tarou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> .
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Onagawa Tarou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> im sorry.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

_  
_  
_   
_

* * *

__  
**Onagawa Tarou updated his status.** _ _

**Onagawa Tarou:** The greatest mistake a man can ever make is to be afraid of making one - Elbert Hubbard

**_Like • Comment • Share_ **

> **Obara Yutaka:**
> 
> **Onagawa Tarou:** LEAVE ME ALONE

  


* * *

  
**Onagawa Tarou**  
_2 hours ago_

Hahaha Abt to livestream!! Come on over and hang out ;)

**_5 Likes 6 Comments 3 Shares_ **

> **Onagawa Tarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> _[View: Live]_
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Onagawa Tarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Wow, I didn’t expect so many of you to be there 😉 Thank you all for supporting me and joining my stream, I had sooo much fun 😝
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sakunami Kousuke**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> But why does it say only two views then?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**Onagawa Tarou updated his status.**

**Onagawa Tarou:** Crying isn’t a sign of weakness….It’s a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long...

**_Like • Comment • Share_ **

> **Sakunami Kousuke:** yoU’RE CRYING?????

  


* * *

  
**Misaki Hana**  
_2 hours ago_

I’m about to beat this guy’s ass.

[Photo: _Misaki is holding an unconscious Terushima by the collar._ ]

**_52 Likes 23 Comments 30 Shares_ **

> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> KILL HIM
> 
> **_42 Likes_ **
> 
> **Onagawa Tarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> That’s hot 🥵 Wanna come beat me too 😜
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Misaki Hana**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> .
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Onagawa Tarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> .
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Misaki Hana**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> .
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Onagawa Tarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> .
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Misaki Hana**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> .
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Onagawa Tarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> im a masochist
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Misaki Hana**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> what the fuck
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**Onagawa Tarou updated his status.**

**Onagawa Tarou:** Crying isn’t a sign of weakness…………...It’s a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long……………..

**_Like • 2 Comments • Share_ **

> **Sakunami Kousuke:** ...but you already said that?
> 
> **Sakunami Kousuke:** Onagawa-san are you CRYING AGAIN????

  


* * *

  
**Onagawa Tarou**  
_1 hour ago_

Here’s another video for my amazing fans ;)

POV: your pet just died and I came over to comfort you and you stopped me until you saw that I also was crying

[Video: _OneRepublic’s “Apologize” is playing in the background, Onagawa is once again staring unblinking into the camera, except his eyes are bloodshot with tears still running down his face. He gives a shaky smile before devolving into full-body sobs, his shoulders shaking as he buries his face into his hands. The video abruptly ends with a tortured moan of “Why won’t anyone accept me?!”_ ]

**_4 Likes 7 Comments 9 Shares_ **

> **Onagawa Mai**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> Tarou please...Your father and I are worried, please answer our calls. We don’t approve of this behavior, are you okay? Why are you acting like this? Please call us. We miss you.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Onagawa Tarou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> haters gonna hate 🤪
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Moniwa Kaname**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> it–it’s your mom????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Onagawa Tarou**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> haters. gonna. hate.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Moniwa Kaname**  
>  _1 hour ago_
> 
> ?????????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

  


* * *

  
**Onagawa Tarou updated his status.**

****

**Onagawa Tarou:** Haters gonna hate, just keep playin’ 😎👊

**_Like • Comment • Share_ **  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Onagawa Tarou]**

_6:07 pm_

**Onagawa Mai**

Tarou…I’m sorry but we had to get your distant grandfather involved….

**Onagawa Tarou**

wait what

  


* * *

  
**[Direct Message → Onagawa Tarou]**

_6:09 pm_

**Washijou Tanji**

You stupid Little Boy what Do You think your Doing you Pussy showing off your Body like Ladies will swoon you are Wrong they will Not swoon for Your Sheep Headass no You must assert Dominance and Show them you can Provide for them and give them a Child oh You stupid Little Boy I can’t fucking Believe you are my Distant Grandchild go die you Pussy and Bitch go Drop off a Cliff before I Beat you to Death

**Onagawa Tarou**

WHAT THE FUCK???

**_Obara Yutaka joined the chat_ **

**Obara Yutaka**

I hate you too

**Onagawa Tarou**

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?1!!?!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he’s fukcienf back
> 
> if anyone’s wondering this was supposed to be the original chapter 9 but I was like “mmmmmmm no” so yeah. He’s back tho and ready to slide into ur dms ;)
> 
> Sorry abt this short chapter tho, I’ve been occupied with school and because it’s school it has sucked all of the creativity out of me so im strugglin y’all 😔
> 
> anyways hope everyone enjoyed this abomination of a human being, ty all so much for 700 kudos 🥺 you’re all lovely and i hope you’re enjoying life (atleast as much as you can rn)
> 
> and coming up next time on “what the fuck is the author gonna come up with this time”—it’s just your favorite bastards trying to be civil with one another and some other not-so bastards, and failing. 
> 
> :)


	16. Sex Shrine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **Terushima Yuuji**
>> 
>> yes papi?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg im back!!!
> 
> Edit: added like a few things at the end to idk?? make it more obvi 👀???

**[Direct Message → Chigaya Eikichi]**

_12:09 pm_

**Terushima Yuuji**

Y’know….I’ve come to a realization.

**Terushima Yuuji**

A realization that has been, frankly, staring me right in the face for a long time.

**Terushima Yuuji**

The realization that I can’t keep going like this. That this can’t be all there is to life.

**Chigaya Eikichi**

um

**Terushima Yuuji**

It shocks me, truly, that I-

**Terushima Yuuji**

I..

**Terushima Yuuji**

I no longer want to be just horny anymore...I want to be happy 😔

**Chigaya Eikichi**

wh

**Terushima Yuuji**

Which is why I’m sure you’ll understand that the first step I must take to getting there is by burning down the sex shrine.

**Chigaya Eikichi**

UM

**Terushima Yuuji**

I know now that you truly don’t actually care about me the same way, and I get it. I do, really. I mean, this bod...these hips...this tongue ring...it’s too much for you. You aren’t ready. I get it.

**Chigaya Eikichi**

UH

**Terushima Yuuji**

Which is why I will stop pursuing. I will stop sending you weekly ab shots and copy and paste text chains about your ass.

**Chigaya Eikichi**

WHAT

**Terushima Yuuji**

And I will also...burn down the beautiful, beautiful sex shrine built just for you.

**Chigaya Eikichi**

oh my god oh my god

**Terushima Yuuji**

I...set you free. Go. Flap your wings. Go find better horizons, just as I. I am letting you go, and I hope that when we meet again, we’ll both be truly happy and content with our lives.

**Terushima Yuuji**

So let us meet again, Daichi, when the sun is high and the flowers are blooming. When we have found our warmth, our happiness.

**Chigaya Eikichi**

.

**Chigaya Eikichi**

Im

**Chigaya Eikichi**

ohmygod

**Chigaya Eikichi**

You have the wrong person, Terushima.

**Terushima Yuuji**

.

**Terushima Yuuji**

FUCK

**Terushima Yuuji**

I’m just gonna send him a screenshot of this

  
  


* * *

  
  
**[Direct Message → Sawamura Daichi]**

_12:17 pm_

**Terushima Yuuji**

_[Screenshot]_

**Sawamura Daichi**

you made a WHAT

**Terushima Yuuji**

a sex shrine of you ❤️

**Terushima Yuuji**

ah wait shit i mean

**Terushima Yuuji**

a sex shrine of you 💀

**Sawamura Daichi**

I think I’m having a seizure.

**Terushima Yuuji**

noooo dont die youre so sexy aha

**Terushima Yuuji**

wait FUCK

**Terushima Yuuji**

knee-jerk reaction sorry i meant go die.

**Sawamura Daichi**

WHAT????

  
  


* * *

  
  


**Terushima Yuuji updated his Relationship Status to _“Single”_.**

  


* * *

  
**Sugawara Koushi**  
_3 hours ago_

I can’t believe this...

**_55 Likes 41 Comments 37 Shares_ **

> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Who would’ve thought this day would ever come?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tanaka Ryuunosuke**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Poor Daichi-san….
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Nishinoya Yuu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> **@Sawamura Daichi** IM CRYING FOR U!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hinata Shouyou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> **@Sawamura Daichi** ME TOO!!!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kageyama Tobio**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Daichi-san also died?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> **@Kageyama Tobio** No, he just got broken up with. And what do you mean by also? Who the hell else died?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kageyama Tobio**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Asahi-san. Sugawara-san told me we’re still pretending he’s dead.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Hahaha Kageyama don’t worry about that anymore! It’s been months! Sugawara was only playing with you!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> ....Suga.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> **@Sugawara Koushi** Suga you were only joking, right?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sugawara Koushi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> .
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sugawara Koushi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> uh do you guys hear something? I swear sometimes it’s like we’re being haunted or smthn hahaha
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Azumane Asahi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bokuto Koutarou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> AAAAA A I CANT BELIEVE DAAICHI IS DEAD :((((((
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Yes a true tragedy. Oh, how vulnerable he must be. **@Sawamura Daichi** How do you feel? This breakup must be scarring for you, it’s your first relationship after all. Does your chest hurt? Does it feel like you’re suffocating? Does your heart BURN?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> God I forgot how psychotic you can be.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Daishou Suguru**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> HA, and you all said we were the snakes back then! LOOK AT THIS FUCKER!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Numai Kazuma**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> YEAH! LOOK AT HIM!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Akama Sou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> YEAH!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Seguro Akihiko**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> YEAH LISTEN TO DAISHOU
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Takachiho Yoshiya**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Yeah
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuguri Naoyasu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> look
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Hiroo Kouji**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> at
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Sakishima Isumi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> him.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> SAYS THE ONES WHO RESPOND ALL TOGETHER, DO YOU GUYS JUST SHARE A SINGLE BRAINCELL???
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Kuguri Naoyasu**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> We do. It’s passed through our minds like a ping-pong ball.
> 
> **_41 Likes_ **
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> I—
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Bobata Kazuma**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> YEAH!!! AND DO YOU KNOW THE WORST PART??? bro is even burning down the sex shrine of your friend 😔
> 
> **_43 Likes_ **
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> yeah, i cant believe it, even the sex shrine :(...
> 
> **_38 Likes_ **
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> wait what
> 
> **_50 Likes_ **

* * *

  
  
**Ennoshita Chikara**  
_3 hours ago_

My entire dorm was just evacuated because someone decided to burn their apartment to the ground and what the actual fuck.

**_57 Likes 31 Comments 42 Shares_ **

> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Is Terushima there?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Ennoshita Chikara**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> Yes. He’s crying and holding handcuffs.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _3 hours ago_
> 
> HE’S STILL ALIVE FUCK
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

* * *

  
  
**Terushima Yuuji**  
_2 hours ago_

I need :((( somewhere to stay :(((((

**_60 Likes 38 Comments 45 Comments_ **

> **Futakuchi Kenji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Go back into your dorm room and choke on the ashes of your sex shrine and die.
> 
> **_45 Likes_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> FUCK YOU!!!!
> 
> **_43 Likes_ **
> 
> **Futamata Takeharu**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> ! You can stay with me bro!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futamata Takeharu**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Oh wait nvm I forgot I have an infestation of rats in my dorm :(((
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> DAMN RATS
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Higashiyama Katsumichi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Don’t worry, you can stay with me!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Higashiyama Katsumichi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> oh wait i forgot my place is also infested with rats
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Numajiri Rintarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Same
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Izaka Nobuyoshi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> Same
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futamata Takeharu**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> wait...do we….share a dorm?
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Higashiyama Katsumichi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> YOOOOOOO
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futamata Takeharu**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> YOOOOOOOOOOOO
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Numajiri Rintarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Izaka Nobuyoshi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> YOOOOOOOOOO how did we forget?????
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Higashiyama Katsumichi**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> YOOOOOOO idk
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Futamata Takeharu**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> YOOOOOOOOoo im high
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Numajiri Rintarou**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> I’ve barricaded myself in the bathroom to get away from the rats and haven’t come out in the past two days
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> DAMN RATS!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> **@Tsuchiyu Arata** 🥺
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Tsuchiyu Arata**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> No.
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **
> 
> **Terushima Yuuji**  
>  _2 hours ago_
> 
> DAMN RATS!!!!!
> 
> **_Like • Reply_ **

* * *

  
  


**[Direct Message → Sawamura Daichi]**

_2:32 pm_

**Sawamura Daichi**

Terushima.

**Terushima Yuuji**

yes papi?

**Terushima Yuuji**

wait FUCK I MEAN

**Terushima Yuuji**

yes Sawamura?

**Sawamura Daichi**

I just want to clear up some things with you before it escalates further than you burning down your apartment.

**Terushima Yuuji**

I DIDNT EXPECT THAT TO HAPPEN!! YOU CANT BLAME ME!!!

**Sawamura Daichi**

I know, I know Yuuji.

**Sawamura Daichi**

But do you know I don’t actually dislike you? You may be shameless and flirty, and make me question my existence more than Kageyama and Hinata ever did, but I don’t actually dislike you. If anything, I hold more of an exasperated fondness for you, because that’s just who you are and I don’t want to change that.

**Sawamura Daichi**

And I understand you wanting to distance yourself from me, truly I do. I’m sorry if I may have accidentally led you on, my intention was never to hurt you, but I do want you to know that you have made me happy. I don’t want you to keep thinking that you were a bother, because you weren’t, and you truly deserve better. And while I truly don’t want to lose you, I also don’t want to be the cause of your pain, so I will understand if you don’t want to have any sort of relationship with me after today. But once again I’m truly, truly sorry if I hurt you.

**Terushima Yuuji**

Sawamura!!! Warn a guy before you start saying stuff like this!!! I just might actually fall for you lol

**Terushima Yuuji**

hahaha but you really are making it sound like i have already, which, pffft, is wrong. I just think your attractive and i want to smash

**Terushima Yuuji**

But if anyone should be apologizing, Sawamura, it should be me. For putting you in such uncomfortable situations and for my behavior bordering straight-up harassment, I’m certainly not the victim here.

**Terushima Yuuji**

You never hurt me, I promise. If anything you’re one of the few people who tolerate me so well despite everything, and I’m sorry for what I put you through, you don’t deserve it, and I’ll stop it right here and now. 

**Terushima Yuuji**

And if you can forgive me for my behavior, I’d also like to continue being friends. You also make me...very happy, Sawamura.

**Sawamura Daichi**

Oh thank god! I’m so glad. And there’s no need to apologize, if I was truly uncomfortable, you’d know.

**Sawamura Daichi**

Oh, also, do you still need a place to stay? I can make room for you in my apartment if you need it, since I am sort of at fault for the burning of the….uh

**Terushima Yuuji**

sex shrine

**Sawamura Daichi**

.

**Sawamura Daichi**

Yeah. That. You can room with me as a sort of apology for it.

**Terushima Yuuji**

oh well, hahaha, dont worry! Im gonna stay with futamuta for the meantime :))

**Sawamura Daichi**

The guy...with the rats?

**Terushima Yuuji**

.

**Terushima Yuuji**

...yeah, i always wanted a rat for a pet

**Sawamura Daichi**

.

**Sawamura Daichi**

...I see. Well then, I’m happy for you, and until next time I guess, friend?

**Terushima Yuuji**

oh hahaha yeah! Until next time, friend :))

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Direct Message → Misaki Hana]**

_2:39 pm_

**Terushima Yuuji**

ah fuck, I’m in love.

**Misaki Hana**

cool idc

_2:40 pm_

**Misaki Hana**

wait WHAT

  
  


* * *

  
  


**Terushima Yuuji updated his Relationship Status to _“It’s complicated”_.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my, is that angst?? Hahha FINALLY
> 
> But can I just say how sorry I am for how long it took me to write and publish this?? I am so sorry. My bad. I did not mean to take this long, but a fic idea caught me and held me at gunpoint until I successfully wrote at least two chapters before it let me work on this fic. And while I can’t say for sure that working on two fics won’t stress me out/halt publishing, as of right now it isn’t, so don’t worry about it too much. The only reason this chapter took so long was because I was taken by suprise lol. 
> 
> (I also might be going back to fix this chapter once im not so sleepy cause sleepy mind = incoherence, so _probably_ expect some changes. Maybe or maybe not, I clearly think its fine to be posting it now, but again, im also quite sleepy rn) 
> 
> Anyways!! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and forgive me for the long wait,, next chapter will be a much shorter wait, and I thank everyone who has commented, kudoed, and bookmarked/subscribed! I never thought so many people would enjoy this, and I’m glad you all are! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter too!


End file.
